The Great "Food Fight" of my Life!

From Couch to Coach at ProSource.net

2011-01-15T21:33:00.000-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-01T00:44:00.002-06:00

so, yep, i went back to my weight ticker and on 1/10/10 I was 338 pounds. on 12/21/10 i was 340.4 pounds. i managed to drag myself back downhill by ending the year TWO POUNDS HEAVIER AND THAT MUCH FURTHER FROM MY GOAL THAN WHEN I STARTED IT!!!

Yes it's sad but I gotta shake it off.

ah, can't say too much because I just remembered that I have this set to transfer over to my Facebook notes section. FUCK IT! I've been real before why sugarcoat it now. I fudged up. literally in most cases. bad. continuously. consciously just acted like I did NOT CARE about the achievements I've gained and the fact that each day I let go by with proper eating and exercise was another day closer to me having to be further way and then looking/thinking back and thinking..hmmmm *say it with me now* IF I HADN'T HAVE STOPPED, WHERE WOULD I BE NOW"?!?!?!!? blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

NO ONE KNOWS where they could have been. It may hae been for me to die in a car accident getting to the gym. I could have stroked out trying to do too much because i'd hit the 300# mark and had officially lost over 100# and then bam, fall out and get mangled in the treadmill!!! LOTTA COULDAS IN THERE...but in it all, I'm pointing the finger at myself.

But I would like for you all reading this to hold me accountable a bit more. if you see me and i look like I've gained a bit of weight, don't just brush it off. mention it! I realized having worked out in front of a mirror that i'm not as "nice looking" when lifting, my legs don't have as big a stride on the treadmill as i thought they did, and well, I'm not as "small" as I thought I was back when I was hitting the gym. so my sense of self-image is warped...I rely on what others see to let me know hey, you're losing.. one of my son's teachers, well two, keep telling me you're losing you're losing and i just had to be like nooooo, I've put back on about 30#.....hmmm, so maybe I shouldn't have you all say HEEEEEY....i might be under 300 and y'all saying girl you put on some weight eh??

well, it's almost 1am...the boy just finally passed out on my leg here so i need to stretch him out somewhere and decide if i'm gonna turn off this laptop or watch another episode of 24, season 1. hmmmm, i'd better quit while i'm ahead. the last ep ended about 30 or so minutes ago while I did all this. so i'm thinking just go on to sleep.

tomorrow's new year's day dinner will be sauteed chicken breasts, sauteed garlic and kale, corn bread muffins, green beans, and black eyed peas. sunday i guess i'm making a shrimp and chicken gumbo with brown rice. i might do both tomorrow as gumbo is good re-heated. one for lunch, the other for dinner. :)

CHA CHA !!!

New Start

2010-12-27T11:59:00.003-06:00

Soooooo, I haven't posted to this site in lieu of posting to my Facebook page...but well, I haven't been posting there either. I haven't been a good weight loser since August. I've actually gained about 20 pounds since then. No eating better and no gym whatsover save for a handful of visits. I'd been saying that new LA Fitness membership I started wasn't working for me because there's just too much to choose from and I was missing my old gym. Now (mainly because I didn't cancel before the next payment was due) I'm thinking do I want to plan better and give it another month. Maybe try some classes. I'm thinking no. It's an extra mile+ from my old gym and that makes a bit of difference. well, a lot of difference. In the summer if I was so inclined to do so I could run or walk to the old gym, then lift, then walk back. I don't really see myself running or walking to LA Fitness...gotta cross a lot of crazy traffic to do so.

Soooooo, I've got some stuff to work out. Mainly just NOT gaining any MORE weight than I have....but well, it's the Christmas season.

Feeling fine.

2009-12-04T17:33:00.002-06:00

I'm starting to feel pretty good about myself despite the pretty bad last aerobics class of this session last night. I still have some chest stuff happening and there was absolutely NO HEAT anywhere in those facilities. It's ENOUGH THAT THERE ARE BROKEN WINDOWS IN THE GYMS, we have to work out with no boilers? one "blew up" and the other was shut off on like Tuesday. I was wondering...uuuuh, WHYYYYYY is this fitness center so doggone FREEZING? I thought maybe because kids are never in the fitness center so perhaps they just figured us adults could "loosen up our muscles" and then try to achieve a body heat that would cancel out the 30+ degree temps seeping in through cracks and breaks and missing windows. Yeah, THAT NEVER HAPPENED!! so trying to do frickin fast-paced double high step aerobics with stiff legs from 2 days worth of lower body leg work and a chest thing happening in a frozen tundra....I was ready to cry, cuss, and walk tf out!!! but I stayed, I just kinda had to keep stopping because my legs were really just like, you keep going and we're shutting down leaving you a "cripple" for the rest of the night. we'll maybe give you some juice to drive home. sincerely, your original mode of transportation!

Sooooo, yeah, not going in I guess until monday but i'll do some upper body tonight and then sunday night....i have to add that rest day in there cuz well, after last night's debacle, I don't wanna counter what I'm trying to achieve.

And now, since I have this linked to my Facebook account....this should transfer right on over! yaaaaay

oh yeah, gettin' tired of ppl who think it's cute and funny to constantly say "ooooh, I'm gonna have to keep my eye on you" or "giiirl, you looking good! you uuuh, so what's goin' on" yeah...even if I was whoring around ....well.....no one knew my experience until i was pregnant so WTF are you keeping your eye on?!?!??! if it ain't one damn thing to constantly fuggin repeat to me EVERYTIME YOU SEE ME it's another! STF UP!!!

dangit!

2009-10-24T10:27:00.002-05:00

doggonit, I accidentally deleted all of my weightloss numbers on my ticker down there! I wanted to change the numbers to include my actual highest weight because I really wanted to show on the ticker where I've come from in weightloss. I did it but I wanted to also change the date to when I was 405 which was back in August 2008. Well yeah, I messed it up and put 405 as my current weight (it worked when I had it as my start weight) on 8/7/08 and bam, all my numbers from June 2009 til today were gone! DOH!! So I sent the maker a comment/suggestion asking if they still had that info saved in their system. yeah, I haven't been keeping a hardcopy of my progress. my scale only goes back 12 weeks from the time you step on it for a new weigh-in so that's not back to June . . . only til about July. Not bad, but it doesn't show all the ups and downs. I may have blogged the numbers as well but yeah, I'm lazy like that...don't really wanna go backtracking to find them. Heck, I don't even wanna clean this room but I need to cuz ...it just needs to, HAS TO be done!!

HELLO OUT THERE?

2009-10-23T22:48:00.004-05:00

I hope everyone is still blogging "gotten in the way" for many of us but I'm still fighting that good fight to lose this weight! These circuits we're now doing in class are butt kicking but I'm learning a lot and feeling that good hurt. The hurt that lets you know..yeah, you're making things happen baby!

I just wanted to say hello and keep the faith high and the calories low!

??

2009-10-12T11:30:00.002-05:00

I guess everyone else is a lil quiet or busy as well. Hopefully there's not a boycott against me (lol). hey, my boy still thinks i'm cool as he climbs up behind me, gives me a neck hug, and is now eyeing how else he can get in trouble!!! aaaah, mommy's library book!!

anyway, last week was a good week. I hit the fitness center on a couple of off days (monday and friday) and made sure I was there friday because friday night my sister was having a birthday dinner and I wanted to be sure I had a good amount of room before going. however, I didn't eat too much at all and I had a long gap between lunch and that dinner.

So yeah, I'm doing good. Today the fitness center is closed so I'm gonna have to do some working out at home. oy.

right now, I'm stalling cleaning my bedroom. this is a wreck. it's a 100 years war! it's a work in progress that I'm really hoping will end soon!

As I proceed to bend over to kick myself..

2009-10-04T14:17:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I'm gonna b$#@! and then I'm gonna learn from it and move on.

I'm up 5 pounds in five days. I don't know if the scale needs a new battery because this is the second time I've had a 5# jump in less than a week. Either way, I could believe it thought because twice last week I indulged in fatty Chinese Food. I could have easily broken the meal up into 3 meals with a big salad and some fresh fruit to round it out. But no, I gorged on 6 big potstickers and 6 fried crab rangoons one day for lunch alone. I don't believe I had much else to eat later that day except some fresh fruit and water but still. too much.

Friday, being Friday and the day of the week where we leave with the students (a little after 2pm) I was feeling like some more potstickers and rangoons. This time, I added egg rolls and bbq pork to the mix. This time I had enough for my mom and my wee one. However, I gorged on the most because it's really like feeding 2 1/2 people because he's only 3. I REALLY need to just buy enough food for 2 people and then take part of our food and give that to him. Being 3, he's a picky eater.

So yeah, it may also be increased muscle because trust me...there's some new muscle in the short amount of time I've spent in that aerobics class because she had strength training and weights to it.

In conclusion, I must remember the old knowledge of not to be a slave to the scale. Muscle weighs more than fat right? Or it's denser? something like that. Anyway, I need to look at how my clothes fit more than what the scale says. Soooo yeah.

I also have to not beat myself up if I'm not in a size 26 or 28 by November 7th. As long as I keep pushing...I'll be at a size 28 guaranteed. Just need to give up all that food I KNOW I am not going to portion control, that I'm not going to take in moderation, that I'm not going to be able to just have a little bit of before I want to devour it all. I'll only have it if I'm out with 2 other GROWN people and we'll split the portions! And well, since I'm trying to get back to my discipline of no fast food or food made away from home (or non-homecooked, healthy food because sometimes I'm eating what someone else homecooked) I shouldn't have to worry about dividing an appetizer or whatnot up amongst people. I DO have 2 away from home eating engagements this weekend, possibly 3, and all will be to hang out/celebrate with family (my sis will be 35) and that's b4 my bday in November....and THAT'S supposed to be more about my "massive" weight loss which right now, isn't at the number I want it to be at.

But I won't be discouraged. Despite another situation rearing it's ugly head in my life, I will work through the pressure!!

Okay, he needs to be napping, I'm waiting for people to come over and pick up these pasta bakes I made for them, and I STILL had plans of running a few errands today. However, half of the day is already gone so I don't know if it's gonna happen.

My Apologies! Now GET UP!

2009-10-04T09:24:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone! I apologize for being away for so long again!! I haven't been slipping up bad with the food however. I have been, but not horribly! I've been recognizing my weaknesses in the food game so I'm trying to just let those things stay on the store shelf! No matter how pretty the packaging or how much I try to tell myself, oh I'll just have one serving at a time and that's it. Not gonna happen. I was at Marshalls a couple weeks ago and bought 2 cans of these chocolate filled crispy wafer rolls. the visible fat alone once I opened the cans was enough to make the most unhealthy eater cringe a bit but ...looked past that. I was jonesin' for some chocolate!

Anyway, enough of that. My aerobics class started last month on the 22nd. That first day was woooooow! I thought I was gonna puke when I got home. It's been over 5 years since I was hitting a gym and exercising regularly!! I was exhausted. The class is on Tuesday and Thursday 6:30-7:45pm. Thursdays I have a bit of time to work with but on Tuesdays my son, for the next few weeks, has a scheduled appt. at 4:30pm. That runs for about an hour and then it's about 15 minutes getting home. I have to try and eat something before the class because I don't want to eat so late after it. Sometimes the class starts late, I guess to give stragglers a chance to get there, and it lets out closer to 8pm!!! I learned that first class that a big meal is NOOOOOOT going to make for a happy workout and rest afterward!

So, what I did last Tuesday was eat some salad during his appointment and an apple on the way to pick him up from school before the appointment. I just stretched my dinner out so it was there but not all lumped in at once.
I've learned there are things this 300+ pound body CAN do but I just don't want to have to do again until I'm healthier, more flexible, and of course, smaller in weight!!!

My weight has been fluctuating...I don't believe it's a plateau I'm in...it's a bad cycle of rationalizing eating what I KNOW I need to avoid! I'm working out now so I can splurge a bit. The problem with THAT is that I'm not eating those foods AFTER a hard workout so the calories will burn faster and the food will digest a lil quicker. But on top of that, I'm still only exercising 2x a week in class!! I DID receive the once per year free fitness center access via a prescription for exercise from my doctor, I just have to start putting the fitness center in my schedule on Mondays and Wednesdays after work. I'm QUITE sure I'll be going in earlier than 6:30 so it doesn't take so much of my after work time away. But I DO need to go. I can't use "I need a refresher course in using fitness equipment" as an excuse either because both classes last week were in the fitness center!! I guess the problem with taking an aerobics class at a public city park district is that you're pretty much only guaranteed the time slot but not the place on the property to have the class??? I think last Tuesday's class was planned to be in the fitness center but Thursday's class was there because both of the gyms in the main building were being used for something else.

Fitness center work wasn't horrible though. . .and the soreness that followed..well, we all know that's a good thing. But just you know, I had to take a pill on Thursday because that's when the soreness peaked for my lower body! Only to go in Thursday evening and work the upper body (Tues=upper, Thurs=lower). I'm looking forward to the end goal though!

As for my birthday that almost exactly a month away, if I'm planning on fitting one of these dresses I've got hanging up then I'm going to...REALLY GOING TO have to knuckle down down and up the exercising to 4x a week...5 if I'm not going out of town for a weekend and leaving right after work that Friday. However, I'd most likely only be going to see my bro so if I just danced around or ran up and down the hallway with my son which is all he wants to do while he's out there...30 minutes of cardio with that and lifting some cans of baked beans....hey, free workout!!

I know, I know, so if I KNOW what to do and what I need to do why can't I either piss or get off the pot? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, we're all blogging about our struggle/journey/backslides/successess and above all ENCOURAGING EACH OTHER for a reason. Something hasn't stayed consistent and it's not our body..it's our way of thinking...it's our minds. The body can't move without the brain saying to do it and our brain does or thinks nothing just on it's own. . .at least I don't think it does. Where're the docs/scientists out there?

I think about you guys out there even when I'm not blogging like I should be. I hope that everyone is doing well and that the pounds are still decreasing/shedding/melting away!!! I hope that no one has falling back off he wagon and decided to just give up the fight. It's a fight, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but I've never seen a fighter, even one that's been knocked out cold, not get back up eventually! Get up! For us, it's detrimental for us to LITERALLY GET UP! Get up and get moving!

Speaking of get moving....we took the lil guy to the ER a little over a week ago because he had blood in his stools. Now, for a lil 3 year old, his movements are like, grown person sized!! it was a lil blood but the couple of days before we took him it had sort of tripled in how much was there. So I left a msg with the nurse at our doc office. Called back the next day and wanted us to take him to ER to be seen sooner than trying to make an appt. or coming as a walk-in. He was just diagnosed with constipation and that's what causes the blood when he has to push so hard. Plus he doesn't go everyday. Rx: MORE FIBER! Well, since we ALL need more fiber because I know we're not getting enough of it at home or at his school I bought some Benefiber. While there I saw some All-Bran fiber products that were on clearance. could be because they were discontinued but most likely because they expire next month. But well, I've seen old stuff on the shelves before so maybe they weren't selling good. I don't know. I just stocked up on the lil drink packets, wafer rolls, and fiber bars. Now if they only made these things with HFCS!!

labor day blues

2009-09-07T15:26:00.002-05:00

well, not really a sad day. I've gotten a lot of clerical/lesson planning work done. and I've got some time in the day before I really have to start winding down. And if Staples or whatever Office Depot is close enough now is open, let alone still open, I just might go in to make copies of forms, syllabi, etc. Problem with that is I don't want to pay for a bunch of copies I won't need because the enrollment is still rolling over and whatnot and if I make 200 copies but only have 150 students and we never have a turnover of those other 50 students...yeah, it can get a bit costly since I have a bit I want copy. Actually a couple of those things I still need to type up.

I've also been on a bit of a fast today. I JUST ate a bag of lite microwave popcorn about a couple hours ago and I've had a bit of water. The last meal I had before that was rib tips, fries, and bread around 4pm yesterday so I figured I needed to just lay low on food. I knew I wouldn't be going all out today and moving around so I wouldn't be super dizzy and tired and hungry. I've been sitting here typing and researching so I've saved some calories. I even resisted the urge to have another bag of popcorn. But well, the rib bones in the fridge, baked sweet potatoes and cabbage that I have yet to have and they were made by mom like ...Friday I think...are calling me! the boy is napping and I'm sure he'll be awake soon, within the 1/2 hour to hour and he'll want to grub...maybe....he didn't want any ribs or fries yesterday...think the sauce was a bit spicy for him and he fussed at the tingle! po baby!

okey dokey, not a long post but need to get back to posting. I'll understand if you all aren't commenting here because I haven't been stopping in on your blogs either. I hope to get back into a routine soon! I found out that I can purchase/find a cord that will allow me to use my own laptop at work through their wifi connection so I can leave that horribly slow ancient windows 95 or 98 computer they have there alone! and i don't even give those Macs a 2nd look unless it's a side-eye!! the combo of being a Mac AND being an older model...barf!!

*******

2009-09-05T14:30:00.002-05:00

*mumble mumble mumble*

I have lost focus.

I have had too much food that I didn't prepare.

I don't think it ALL was junk food...but junk food has snuck back into my body.

I've just had too much food at one meal.

I will give myself credit that with getting back into the classroom this week to set things up (even though Ihave no artwork copies on the walls because I'm ordering big posters for that job until the students have work completed) and even though I may have indulged in the provide breakfast and lunch on Wednesday, I didn't eat again at home until around 8 and that was crackers.

I must get back on the saddle.

November will be here before I know it. And I WILL fit one of those dresses hanging up there.

I AM in a size 32 again after a while. My doctor pointed out that since August of last year I've lost over 40 pounds. Apparently I DID get over 400..it was 405 at one point. I guess the shock of seeing that number on the digital display was blocked from my memory.

Well, the students come back into the classroom on Tuesday. I'll start the aerobics class on the 21st. Need to start planning lunches to take for lunch. Wraps should work fine.

This boy needs to get a nap in and I should keep working on job stuff so....later all.

:(

2009-08-23T17:12:00.002-05:00

I need to put this past week behind me. I had horrible meals from last Sunday on to yesterday! yesterday we had fast food twice! total last week we had fast food about 4 times! Today, i haven't had much to eat...tea with generic equal this morning and boiled, lightly seasoned chicken breast and broth for lunch. why?

Could be a couple of reasons combined but I have a cold. I initially figured it was because friday night i didn't turn the table fan off by my bed so there was air blowing on me even though Friday and Saturday nights were pretty cool for August in Chicago. This has been a pretty...not so typical...Chicago summer btw. Anyway, today, I realized that might not be the only reason. Last week our church had our Back to School Bible Camp (VBS) so we had a lot of foreign germs in there with guest students from the neighborhood. not saying they're nasty or anything but...not sure how healthy a life they're living!!! I keep forgetting to take my vitamins so my immunity defenses are pretty down. Soooo, I've been taking psuedophed and I only have 2 left. i figured yesterda that today I'd grab some more to or from church but i didn't go because i woke up feeling like something ran over my head!

Mommy (yeah, i said mommy :P ) is boiling some more chicken for me, the boy has been napping for a while and he's already woken up once but he went back to sleep...however...is that him sighing now....uh oh. so yeah...I'm hoping this cold is gone by Thursday because that's when we're taking another staycation downtown! Weather forecast just went off and those days look good...really good.....not too hot, no rain forecast..we get rain on Tuesday or Wednesday but i'll probably have to water the potted plants outside before then anyway.

Soooooo, yeah, what happened last week with my eating? I could have easily made that pot of brown rice to go with the pepper steak and sweet n sour chicken I made but I didn't. instead, i turned the steak into wraps...not bad, had a lotta lettuce and some sliced tomatoes with that. The chicken though....I wrapped those in wonton wrappers and made FRIIIIIED eggrolls!!!! GRANTED I had sliced carrots, bell peppers, onions, and cabbage in that mix....would have been much healthier with a bit of brown rice. Plus I MAXED a bag of Boston Baked Beans candy AND some cookies. OY!! whole wheat pasta found it's way into the mix as well.

my weight fluctuated from like 365 to 360 to 362 to yesterday's 363.8 or .3 . Not sure what it is today.

A problem was I had to hurry up and cook a bunch of meat that I didn't freeze after buying it because I was like, well, do we have room in the freezers and I wanna hurry up and make something with these and blah blah blah. Well, it was a bad move. I've been doing good with making only enough food to last the day it's cooked and maybe the next day for leftovers. Cooking a fresh meal has helped keep me on track.

I also need to not have another bloggin drought. even if I stop in just to say feeling fine...or like crap..or whatever....

welp, the wee one is awake and hugging up on me!! he was just kissing my knee...then huggin my arm, now harrassing my knee again!!!

my turn now?

2009-08-17T21:42:00.001-05:00

hello? now that I've finally posted, it's quiet over here. :(

sorry so long gone!

2009-08-14T09:31:00.002-05:00

I've just been away from bloggin...not away from eating better though. to prove that

I'M DOOOOOOOOOOOWN 30 POOOOOOOOOOOOUNDS!!!!! it may be a bit more by now because I weighed-in this past Sunday. Today, I'm going to go see District 9. Not sure if I'll even be able to chew any movie popcorn without annoyance and pain though!

why?

Last week I had my WISDOM TEETH PULLED!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH THE HORROR!!! Nothing like hearing the slight crunch of tools and teeth from inside your head! I had to have stitches in one socket because she had to do a bit more surgery. Now I have to wonder if my cut up gum is ever going to heal right! I can only assume the other 3 sockets are healing okay. It's this bottom left side that's my small little hell right now! Not sure how she stitched that up but I won't really know what it's like until it's all healed. hmmm.

So I'm still here, and my sis is okay. I think you misread what Bonnie said. she was calling me sister!

I've just been a bit tired these past couple of weeks. Sorry to keep you all waiting.

I've also made another reservation for me, the boy, and my mom before I return back to work and she starts her real retirement! the boy, the only thing different for him is he's been able to sleep in a bit but he still goes to daycare. This year though, he'll be officially in Pre-School classes with the bigger kids! next year I think is when I'll enroll him in a bigger school.

I'm still breathing!

2009-08-02T09:43:00.002-05:00

I'm still alive....I've lagged behind in the blogging area. I'll try to post more tonight or later after church.

taking stock

2009-07-25T20:52:00.002-05:00

quick note...I'll probably weigh in tomorrow. I'm ..."empty" but I also ate right before emptying out! yeah, another TMI moment but well...yeah.

I need to write down all of the food I have that really needs to be eaten!! Aside from maybe getting bread for mom and the boy, we REALLY could stand to just slow down our spending!!! I'm gonna have to try and get mom a home business or something to do...maybe she could start making clothes again...even if it's just baby clothes...maybe even baby clothes to donate to drug addicted or abandoned babies in hospitals or in the DCFS system. SOMETHING so she's not at home doing laundry, cleaning, or wanting to spend all of her money because she's retired and doesn't have to wake up anymore to head into work. Plus, it'll help keep her mind sharp I think. Not sure if we need to invest in a surveillance system or not.

Anyway, God is Good that we can afford these groceries...i just do NOT want her blowing through her money now when we really DON'T need to do much shopping right now.
We went to my sister's for a jewelry show this morning and b4 we left ran her by the grocery store. I didn't really think we needed anything yet we left with $40+ worth of stuff. That didn't include my sister's stuff...she paid for her own. So yeah, I really need make as accurate a list as I can so I can start to look at all these cookbooks I have and figure out what I can make that serves 3-4 people and won't be soooooo high in cals and fat!

Okey dokey, I hope everyone of you reading is well and doing great in your quest for a smaller you. Today, I wore a pair of jeans that .....wow, I'm really 20+ pounds lighter; just had to type what I was happily thinking....used to be a little tight. I'm not sure if I'm going to purchase jeans from that store anymore though...they all seem to be low-riding or lay about an inch below the waist line. Plus the crotch area never really comes UP to the crotch and yet the jeans don't stay up. not sure if that's a too small or too big issue or just a "you paid only $18 for these, what do you expect" issue? I really don't understand why you would make a size 30-ANYTHING in low rise or any unflattering cut of clothing in that size or bigger. I don't wanna wear it and I definitely don't wanna see it!!!

okey dokey...

la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2009-07-22T20:59:00.003-05:00

numming on a 80cal, 0 fat Peach yogurt. I've learned that well, I just need to pay a lil extra for this Dannon Light & Fit brand and save 20 calories cuz the portion is 2 oz. smaller...and make up for the smaller amount but higher cost with bigger taste! I'd been getting the cheaper, 8oz. Aldi brand yogurt and after having the Dannon..and then going back to the Aldi brand...I just...I couldn't stay! Luckily Jewel usually has it on sale 10/$5...the sale that ended today was 10/$4...not sure if that's part of their price knock down thing they've been doing recently but I'll take it! grabbed 6 peach and 4 lemon chiffon.

So, without keeping a physical, written journal, I believe I have stayed below 2000 calories since Sunday. Since I've decided to start watching what I eat more closely and preparing 95% of my meals (I add that -%5 because I do sometimes have McDonalds and try to allow for some "spoil the family" with a meal out) I've been naturally staying under 2000 calories. It's somewhere between 400 and 900 more calories when the pounds don't come off...they stay stagnant or increase. I prefer a loss.

I also bought some whole wheat or whole grain bread products that are 100 cals a serving. Still a bit high but some are mini bagels to go with this whipped cream cheese w/honey&nuts that I'll indulge in a couple or so mornings or for a midday snack. The other is a new product...at least I've never seen it before...100 cals for it's like a sandwich bun that's been reduced to two mini-flat breads. one slice alone of this whole wheat (real ww, not white bread with some sprinkles of wheat and caramel coloring) bread I get at Aldi is 100 alone! I realized that last week and had to cut back my turkey burger from 2 slices to 1 slice cut/torn in half. Better option, and it's still a sandwich. And while I had the turkey burger with cheese, I've had lettuce and tomato with it. :D

soooooo, today I had a bowl of red berries Special K and 1/2 c. of skim milk (150), then 3/4 c. brown rice and about 1c. of chicken cacciatore sauce with vegs and about hmmmm, 3 or 4 oz. of chicken breast (est. 300 calories 350 max...could be wrong but the brown rice was only 70 i think and the tomato based "stew" is pretty lean), dinner was 1 1/2 c. collard greens, some rotisserie curry seasoned chicken..about 5 oz., and the fatty bad part was 2 2" pieces of cornbread. (I estimate that at about 450 calories).

It'd been about 5 hours+ since my last meal and I did some grocery shopping x2 before returning home and theeen I was trying to prep dinner. I was super dizzy...which happens to me a lot when I'm low on food and water..go figure. I felt sick, went to potty, didn't feel too much better after lightening my load (ha) so I had to sit again b4 falling out. Finally got the energy to get dinner and nuke it in the microwave. Knew I was gonna go for the greens so I figured...yeah. I want some cornbread

Just had the 80 calorie yogurt so I ESTIMATE (only 2 or 3 items are package info verified) that my total for today is 980...yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah....no good....I need to eat more..at least I know I should have today...Oh wait, I had a boiled egg with that cereal this morning! not much of a big difference though.

sooooo, yeah, need to make sure I'm getting all my food in for the day so I'm not starving my metabolism.

sigh...i need to try and get to sleep before 10:30 because as long as I'm awake, the boy is awake because he still snuggles in my lil bed with me!

Don't judge me...some of y'all got fuc...uuuuh, jacked up living situations too!! LOL!!!

later all.

Be Blessed

that scale is on crack

2009-07-20T14:48:00.002-05:00

the scale has me down to 367.2 or some such foolery again. I got outta the shower and just outta morbid curiosity I took it outta the box and stepped on it again.

anyway, not so much worried about that as I am about this lump in my lower cheek outside of my lower jaw. my tooth/teeth have been hurting back there for about a week now. I figured it was just a cavity at it's brink or my wisdom tooth back there acting up. This morning the pain started again and again I assumed it was the bottom teeth....even though sometime last week I thought the pain might be originated at the top....so I touched my cheek to see if it was swollen and pressed and something moved. so i felt around and the lower jaw area is where there's a lil lump. I figure it's an abscess....why do those things love me so??!! I have to have my teeth cleaned and cavities filled anyway but they're probably gonna take those wisdom teeth out too. That's gonna be a bill despite having coverage!!!! And I'm really gonna need to get in to see a dentist fast so all the work can get started before work starts back.

oy.

the math...is F*&&y^ KILLING ME!!!

2009-07-19T15:46:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I'm trying to figure out if I wanna do 2000, then 1800 then maybe drop down to a steady 1600 calories a day or just go with 1800 for the duration.

Then I'm trying to figure out which of these formulas I want to use to break down where I'm getting my calories from: the "recommended" 50% carbs, 20% protein, 30% fat or my preferred 45% carbs, 35% protein, 20% fat.

However, with that above system, whichever I chose, neither adds up to what the mypyramid.gov charts for a 2000 cal diet recommends after I've calculated how many calories, grams, then ounces are in each group..namely the protein (meats and beans) and carbs (grains). Plus I don't know how to count my vegetables. I know they have calories I mean, most are under 100 per serving of a whole veg (the leafy greens or nonstarchy vegs) but they still have calories.

Sooooo yeah, I might just go back to this plan I used back in 97 and did well on...see if it's breakdown sort of matches what the usda recommended for either 2000 or 2005 (new charts come out next year). Or I might just go ahead and follow what the usda recommends for the 2000, 1800, and 1600 calorie diets.

Any recommendations? Anyone out there breaking up where their calories are going? Carbs and starchies here, meats and beans here, fat here if any extra other than what's in your lean meats???

**********************************************************************************

So far today I've had 1c. of special k, one cup of skimmed milk, and one banana. Just had about a cup of wheat elbow macaroni and chicken cacciatore, that had perhaps about 1 1/2 cups of chicken and the rest was like tomato sauce with some pepper and onion slices.
**********************************************************************************

I MUST be putting too much into this. But I figure, those calculations are out there for a reason....not just to make nutritionist and dietitians some income....hmmm.

if nothing else, it's been interesting to search the net for all this stuff. right now..my brain hurts. and since my son is napping, i probably should too.

a thought...coming to terms a bit....

2009-07-19T00:13:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I think I've decided that I'm going to HAVE to journal what I eat and start counting my calories. I've have two weeks with a weight gain of 2-3+ pounds so I'd like to not have a big jump like that happen again. I HATE trying to keep a food journal! I MUST hate it since I've never really kept one more than 2 or 3 weeks! I kept one pretty decent-like when I was doing the Atkins deal. Perhaps I kept that journal then pretty well because I had to keep track of my carbs. I think it was 30 max a day in the Induction stage and I stayed there for the duration of the time I stayed on Atkins. Perhaps keeping track of my calories, the numbers and adding them up, ...maybe treating them like money...will help me stick with the recording?

I don't know why I hate the thought of having to count my calories? Is it because that's so bare bones and it kind of takes away yet another ounce of dietetic freedom I thought I had? Does it mean that I couldn't do it on my own in that area so I HAVE to start counting my calories more strictly and not just eyeball it? Am I lazy or angry or neither or both? Not really sure right now but having gained this past week and not really seeing it com.OOOOOOOOOOH...yeah...I JUST remembered...this past Sunday was our potluck dinner at church service. Second Sunday is the evening building fund service and even though the past couple of Sundays we haven't had the service because the fellowship kinda spilled past the 4pm start time.....we've still had the dinner. I remember that part of the leftover brought home were the rest of the cornbread our deaconess makes...and mom loooooves cornbread so they gave us the rest. I took the rest of the pasta salad that was really veggie heavy (yum) but I think it's gonna have to be tossed out cuz apparently that stuff can turn pretty quick and it's pretty much a week old now and we didn't take any with us to the hotel. Then I made chicken cacciatore Wednesday and whole wheat elbow macaroni to go with it. Plus the lower fat/lower cal dessert I made for Sunday...a lot was leftover so I brought that back and pretty much killed that myself from Sunday to Tuesday.

Welp, mystery solved. I may very well have lost some ounces or a pound the past couple of days but when you're trimming from a blowout gain from earlier in the week the numbers will still be higher. Okay, I know what I did wrong..and once again I need to fight those carb monsters or simmer them down a bit so I can turn the rabid pitbulls into cute lil poodles that I can play with every now and then.

So, even though I did recall what possibly led to this week's gain (and it still may be some sort of good gain, ie, muscle) I'll still try to count and record my calories so I know that if I have that 100 calorie snack pack (which I haven't had since I've started..yay) then that's just 100 calories gone. Oh well. And as much of a better option as they may be, I'm gonna have to say no to the grill chicken snack wraps at mcdonalds...or at least cut it from two to one. Two makes me pretty full, I'm sure one will keep me satisfied with an apple instead of a 2nd one, and some yummy yummy .....water. Can't have that ice filled sweet tea of theirs even though the last two times I've had it it's been on point!

okey dokey, way past bedtime....but does that mean I'm off to sleep....hmmmm

Blessings All.

oooooh vacation

2009-07-18T21:48:00.002-05:00

I'm back up to 372.4.....boooooooooooooooooooo...starch is my enemy. okay, not my enemy, i just don't control my intake of it well! So yeah, I need to start measuring my portions, cut down on the bread....i mean, i only had 5 slices this week but....perhaps I had too much cereal? most likely too much pasta..even though it was only eaten 2 days this week (Wednesday and Thursday b4 leaving for the hotel.

We did a lot of calorie burning, at least I did, hauling that heavy duffle bag Thursday and today and the walking at the zoo...even the walking to and from the bus stops.

This is one of those times a food journal would've come in handy quite well. hmmm, well, I'm just trying to get to the 360 then 350 mark so this is a sorta blow to the course. Won't let it set me back horribly though. I WAS wearing my underwear this time on the scale though so....yeah. don't think it made THAT much of a difference!!

I'm okay people...not gonna cry..just a lil confused right now..

OH YEAH, i forgot, it could be muscle weight gain but still a fat loss. I mean, I'm beginning to see some smaller me in the mirror. I mean...us women know ..the "girls" are always the first to go so....at least my bras are fitting again.

meh......well, gonna go reevaluate.

Blessings.

but I miss ol' flat 'n lumpy!!!!

2009-07-17T21:19:00.003-05:00

This has been a really nice stay....even though the boy has had repeated meltdowns today...especially at the zoo!! ugh...
My body was too sore after last night's sleep though...apparently my body has become accustomed to the fat and lumpy mattress that's...hmmm, 6 years old? Paid $400 for it...and it's pretty much crap now...but it's my crap!! and my body has molded it to the lumps and sink-holes it wants. These newer mattresses . . . like the one my bro has...that's like a soft firm...UUUUUGH...i wake up so horribly sore!!!! It's so sad!

We hit the zoo today. packed us a nice lil sack lunch.
Just got back from The Rainforest Cafe about an hour or so ago. racked up on a buncha lil stuffs for the wee one. It's just a lil loud and kinda scary for toddlers though!! the animatronics (hanging anaconda sized snakes, gorillas, waterfalls, fake thunderstorms...) .. my son wasn't the only one that kept having little freakouts.

It's pretty dang cool here in Chicago for the middle of July. I think the reality of the cooldown hit me most cuz i didn't bring a jacket or sweatshirt... didn't think I'd need to so bad even though I knew the forecast (which added rain last night!) plus that would be one extra thing to carry and getting here Thursday...I would have melted having it on or stuffing it in bag or carrying it on my arm.

Did a good amount of walking today. a lil gassy from the milk...not sure why it's affecting me grosslike today. usually it takes me having a dairy blowout for the symptoms of lactose intolerance to kick in. Didn't wanna wait today....WOOOOO!!!

Hopefully I won't blow either of them outta the bed tonight!! HEH!

I'll weigh in tomorrow. I'm stuffed right now. Probably need to run around the block a couple of times!

My sis is trippin' on the fact that we've got cable in the room but we've watched local channels like we were at home! HA!! With the illegal posting of movies on Youtube I'm set! hahaha sorry. had a lil moment there.

THIS BOY!!

I have to remember to change my reservation for the end of August since the VBS dates at church seemed to have changed and they're now that same week. I hope I can get the same weekend at that hotel which is the one I originally wanted but this one rocked so if I have to come back to this one it won't be horrible.

Blessings and toodles.

when you're on a roll...

2009-07-15T09:13:00.002-05:00

..just make sure it's whole wheat or multigrain (RIMSHOT!!!) hahahh..

nah...I said that because I pretty much posted an entire blog entry into someone else's blog comments section!!!! I was on a roll with my post and I knew I was going to end up pasting it here!! So..here it is...
************************************************************************************

Your potential new buddy and possible mentee will be in my prayers. There is NOTHING WORSE than dying from something that . . . pretty much was preventable and most likely your own fault. Some people have heart problems through no fault of their own but when something is brought on by an addiction of the mind and body such as food, drugs, alcohol..even sex (HIV or AIDS or syphilis resulting in death) it just puts such a blow to you (well, aside from dying) and those you've left behind.

This goes hand and hand with your leader comments. I need my son to see his mommy eating healthier and even though i'm not exercising as much yet eventually he'll see me doing aerobics, walking more, dancing around with him...I mean...we have some lil wrestling sessions and we dance around now a bit now...but he needs to see me moving more and being happy more. It was one thing to have the fear of my obesity being the cause of my death or downward health spiral when I had no kids but now that I have a son...it just...WOW!

I'm not speaking for anyone else but I'm sure the sentiment is similar if not the same but having obesity be the cause of my death after so many attempts, successes, then setbacks to more weight than I started with is just a crushing thought. Why couldn't I conquer this? Why couldn't I have more power over my body and mind? Why did I fail at controlling myself?!? I've lost it in the past when thinking of all the things I have NO control over and the one thing I SHOULD I didn't either!

I'm really thinking I'm better than that now! ...didn't mean to take up your comment section...I think I'm going to do something I've done before and copy this comment onto my own blog!

btw, luckily for me, once my weight is gone people will have my sister to thank if they still recognize me. They'll know who I am because they know her...or they'll just think I'm her! If I eventually dreadlock my hair, by the time the weight is gone it'll probably being about 7inches long so they'll think she just locked up her hair!!
I'm 3 years younger than her but we look like twins so it's really not far-fetched!

Blessings!

July 15, 2009 7:00 AM
MightySGRhofromChicaGO said...

OH YEAH!! I have my moments of impatience but SURPRISINGLY this time around I'm not on pins and needles! I'm charged and feeling it's going to happen this time!! I really believe my faith is a bit stronger this time...it's kinda a nonchalant faith but I know where my help is coming from! I also credit this blog and the support of you all following it and leaving me comments! SEAN IS THE ULTIMATE MOTIVATOR! I think we're all putting ourselves out there for others and that sort of makes us accountable for staying on track. I'm hoping none of us ends our blogging just because we've reached our goal weight! I think that's what slips up a lot of celebs who put their weightloss out there for the public to follow and then they gain it all back. Plus they try to put their unfortunate weight gain on a "hectic lifestyle" and blah blah blah. We need to stop making excuses and just say ..it's us..it's me...Hectic lifestyle just means you have to plan your meals better. choose your snacks wiser. And if you're a Hollywood celeb with Hundreds of thousands if not millions in the bank..yeeeeah, you really have no excuse. You can afford a ..topnotch home gym, personal trainer, HECK Seattle Suttons home mean delivery!!

I also think having that digital scale to let me know that I may not have lost more than a pound but I may have lost some ounces is a big help! If I've lost 2 ounces I take it! Just this morning I was at the sink pouring water in my cereal to knock my 2% milk down to a skim substitute (oooh, don't act like you all haven't done it!!) and I thought about how I just need to keep doing what I'm doing. It's working. I'm eating what I want and I'm cool with losing only a pound a week. I know it's not going to be overnight but I'll get there....Lord willing!

okay, I think that's the rest!

*************************************************************************************

Sean posted about man he'll be meeting today that has been given a "Seal of Death", collect your flowers now notice from his doctors about his heart. I'm assuming it's all obesity related otherwise I don't think he would have been contacted through the mini-grapevine.

I've been told about the pre-diabetes markers on my skin I have by my doctor. I've said in this blog before that my dad had diabetes and before that congestive heart failure and it was a "myocardial infarction" that took him. I said what the death cert. said because I'm guessing that's a bit different from a heart attack. Or it could very well just be the medical term for a heart attack and not like cardiac arrest which could INCLUDE a heart attack eventually or something. I don't know...I'm not a doctor and I didn't WebMd any info. The point is dad is dead because of his weight. I don't want to be dead because of my weight. And I'm praying God by the hand and suffering of Jesus allows me to LIVE a long life A.W.L. ***After Weight Loss***!!!!! I'd hate to finally lose all this fat I'm working to lose with no intervention of drugs or surgery or even programs or possibly even a personal trainer short of a DVD or aerobics class leader....and on the way to a victory banquet I'm shot or involved in an auto crash that takes my life!

THAT

WOULD

SUCK!!!!!

I would also like to lose it before my grandmother passes away so she can live to see that I did it! The last time she saw me lose a lot of weight was back in 2004 when I was on the Atkins approach. I dropped about 65 pounds with hitting the gym b4 work and whatnot. But that wasn't like a size 14 or 16 which is what I'm shooting for. If I can get down to a 8 or 10 that's fine too but that's not my realistic goal until I've met my first goal. Gran'mother will be 92 tomorrow. God Bless her...she's outlived all of her siblings (7 total I think) ex-husband, one son, 3 grandchildren, a grand-niece, and I'm sure a host of cousins..she may be the last on that tier of that side of my family living. and she is a three or four times great grandmother. She's also overweight/obese and her living conditions, while quiet and suburban, aren't always peaceful for her mind and spirit.

I'd like my mom to be able to see me that downsized as well.

Growing up with an obese and rather outspoken dad....and not only feeling the embarrassment of being a fat kid, I also had to feel the embarrassment of having a big dad. That said, I don't want my son to have to feel that embarrassment of having a big mom show up for whatever. However, at the rate the U.S. is going, by the time I lose all of this weight, I'll be in an even smaller minority of healthy weight individuals than exists now! America needs to heal itself y'all!

And yet....McDonalds has introduced it's new Angus burger...what is that thing, a 1/3 pounder?!!? Really??? Yes Yes, I've said it before that people are the ultimate deciders of what they eat and parents are the ultimate decider of what their young children eat....but if you're in a bit of a bind for time or you'd just like to go treat the kids to "fast food" can't we have more options of healthier food? With more and more people crossing over into the overweight and obese category of Americans...and I'm thinking that everyone that was already there not very many have died or dropped out of the category with weight loss...who do you is helping the number increase? Children...teens...those who've probably spent so much time hating fatties or vowing NEVER to become fat catching their come-uppins...or new mothers who haven't dropped the extra weight or have gained more postpartum (I've been there...I'm STILL there..but it didn't start happening until shortly before I stopped nursing).

How are all of these people crossing over? Well, lack of exercise and moving is obvious, but I'm a current testimony that weight can be lost without exercising...it's not the best way (because you might end up losing muscle as well as fat so I have to get moving and training) and it will take you longer. But...slow and steady still wins the race.

The real problem is the diet of America is horrible. Only here do we have places suggesting to add more, make it bigger, you want this or that with this or that? We drown salads in bottled dressings without regard to how we've pretty much RUINED the formerly healthy salad! We have more stores in poorer neighborhoods that sell a umpteenth amount of junk foods, processed and prepared meats and foods, sugary, HFCS drinks, and booze & cigarettes aplenty but no FRESH MEATS, FRESH FRUITS, FRESH VEGETABLES!!!! A greasy spoon on every block. The poor even have unhealthy banking habits!! Using a currency exchange as a bank and changing making system is just....it makes my skin itch!!! People end up paying money to GET their money. I don't know if they just have no trust of banks (I don't trust leaving a currency exchange with $300 in cash after cashing a SS or public aid check in the hood) or they've messed up their credit so bad that not only are utility bills in a child's name so you're messing their credit up too, but you can't even get a REAL BANK ACCOUNT because you're ssn has been red flagged? I really don't know. It could also be because they're going to go right to the dope man to blow it all on ...whatever..or to the liquor store to get drunk..

Yeah. that last part took a personal turn....gonna try and go back to sleep now. maybe it'll happen...probably won't ...especially if I do what I'm thinking of doing and pop a dvd in!

okey dokey..I may post later!

Blessing all!

tourist in my own town

2009-07-14T19:22:00.002-05:00

So my sis and I did the architecture boat tour on the parts of the river downtown this morning. Had lunch at McDonalds...the sweet tea and 2 grilled chicken wraps. Knowing that I have my own skills to make those at home..I'm most likely going to just make them and then wrap them to go and eat them ..cold or cool...when I think I'm going to be away from home long enough to get hungry. That way I KNOW what I'm getting and how it was prepared. kudos.

Can't wait to figure out what we're gonna do while we're at the hotel this week. I'm mostly going to try and stay focused and have fun! Not worry about what's happening and try to get my mom to not worry about what's going on with money, bills, the house, etc. this is a retirement gift to her that we were thinking of doing anyway aside from the new tv we all bought her...that STILL isn't set up and since there's no converter on her old one..she's not watching tv in her bedroom! just so happens that I'm paying for the whole trip now instead of the 4 kids splitting it. which is why I'm going with her...and bring the boy..NYAH!

nah, like I said before, she'd most likely HATE the idea of being anywhere alone without someone who knows their way around faster than she'd even find that info in the first place. I love my mom.

I'm hoping to get a lotta walking in and hopefully my son won't get too tired and cranky. I don't think he can fit into his umbrella stroller anymore but I should probably check first. I'd like to go to the zoo, maybe the childrens' floor of the main library for him. I'm thinking of doing the House of Blues for dinner with my sis riding down from her apt to join us. I'm still searching for a nice RED eye shadow and my last check could be the MAC shop on Michigan Avenue. I doubt I'll find one....guess I'll just have to order it online.

hmmm, another meltdown...gotta go.....

Think I'll start saving up for a Tuscany trip next summer or January 2010??? by then, i KNOW i'll have earned it!!!

I don't even know right now

2009-07-14T00:04:00.002-05:00

what week is this? Nine?

I'm posting when I should have been asleep considering I'm meeting my sis downtown for a 10am Chicago architecture boat tour along the river. will be the 2nd boat tour this summer with my sissy :). The first was just the lake's shoreline.

Perhaps tomorrow will offer more sunlight than that day did but the forecast calls for rain tomorrow night so the clouds may already be gathering. hmmmm. well....

Anyway, I read my last post and realized that while I think I'd weighed myself that day, I didn't put my new weight in my blog post. I recorded it on my data chart but I don't know what my body was doing but I'd dropped from 370.2 (on doc's scale, .4 on mine) last Tuesday (which itself was about a 3 pound drop from I think the previous Friday) to 367.8 last Thursday. Again, digital scales and they've been pretty accurate so far. I don't care if it was just water weight..I'M SUPER GLAD! I had to resist the mini urge to step on the scale today. I'll try to wait until Saturday even though I'll be returning back home from the swanky downtown hotel getaway I've arranged for my mom, my son, and myself this weekend. A chain of 3 hotels are holding a discounted rates for teachers promo so I jumped on the opportunity! I wanted to just have my mom go and then I'd stay home with the wee one but she'd feel like a fish outta water trying to get around downtown I already know this. Trying to keep up with her room key and money and cellphone and IDs and all kinds of stuff that would keep her from relaxing! Can't afford the room service I'm sure even though they have this lil free wine hour with appetizers and breakfast or some such something. need to read the details again. I'll get a free bottle of wine though for mentioning the deal!

So yeah, I also booked a private getaway at the one of the 3 locations I'd wanted to stay out in the first place but it wasn't available. however, I learned on Sunday that I'm going to have to try and change the date. It might have to be pushed back to December :(. will see. if so, then .ugh...meh. will see.

Okey dokey, I really need to sleep. my knee hurts...i need to start walking! I'll do more tomorrow. maybe get off a few stops early and walk to lunch from there. ah, while i am up, i should look for some cheapy places that won't break the bank or my wallet so horribly. would like to do something other than the grilled chicken wrap at Mcdonalds. i should start getting that with no sauce though if I get it again. forgot about that.

NIGHT ALL!

Revealing the Wizard!!!

2009-07-10T19:02:00.002-05:00

So I've decided to say screw who knows how much I weigh!! Not important because this blogging ...well, this time around...and having the support of others on their own journey...has me in a new sense of YES, I'M GONNA DO IT-ism!!! So I've decided to add a picture so you all get to see who you're talking to and who's talking to you!!!

I'll most likely be rotating these pics so don't get used to one!

ok, so let me explain this pic!! This was taken Christmas '08. My sis, for some odd reason, decided to give me an impulse-buy gift...of an eye-patch!! not sure if I even know where that thing is. I think it was a pirate joke!

Christmas '08 really pissed me off though..well, Christmas Eve and it carried over into Day!! I won't get into it so much as to say that I'm really tired of the selfishness of others. It's just .. . ugh.

So yeah, I'm trying to pump a lotta water in today.

my church is sponsoring a lil field trip to a children's museum here in town tomorrow morning for the lil wee ones. after that, lunch at McDonalds. So glad I REFUSED to stop and grab us some lunch earlier this morning after I went to pick up my son super early. his daycare was closing early because only 2 kids were there.

sidebar: This show, "The Ghost Whisperer" is kinda spooking me out a bit!! I can finally get CBS on my tv with this new antenna and converter box and the channels I wanna watch...apparently there's a power failure at the station so the stations aren't putting out a signal! boooooo!

I made some whole wheat pasta with jar pesto and a bit of milk to help it sauce up for lunch...along with baked chicken. Gonna have to try to get my mom to resist the urge to buy those ready to take and eat roasted chickens at Jewel. this one we got at Walmart last week...it was good but I have to wonder if the stores use roasters or fryers. those of you who aren't in the know, a fryer has way more fat because it's meant to be cut up and fried so the fat would mostly cook/melt away.

I'm gonna have to try and hit up Jewel to pick up a couple of roasters. I used the last one a few weeks back and didn't realize it was the last one until I went to get it. Those things come in real handy when you're up for some roast Grecian chicken

uh oh...son is having an outta the blue meltdown!! went from reading to tantrum!!!
geeez..HELP!!

what was up with that last post?!?!

2009-07-09T22:18:00.002-05:00

okay, what you all DIDN'T SEE was me having to delete the original posting of that last past because for some reason the font just go RIDICULOUSLY HUGE!!! In the original I had some words in a bigger font and different color but well, I guess this thing wasn't trying to feel that this time around! geeez..touchy touchy! I reduced the font...still jacked up...I changed it all back to black font color...no change. I just had to totally delete the original post and paste it into OpenOffice, change it all to regular 12pt font and then paste it back in a new posting window...a couple of times because then it started giving me html errors! I'm like uuuh...hmm, well, like right now..I'm in the edit html and this is NOT which option pops open on the regular when I'm typing a new blog post. what sort of crack is blogger smoking tonight?!??!?! geez..

well, let's see if THIS one posts with no problems!

2009-07-09T22:17:00.001-05:00

I think I restarted this journey on May 17, 2009. I had a doctor appointment on the 17th ...I think. I was back-tracking through old post from May. I say that because I had another appointment today. Just to followup and check my progress. Ladies and gentleman....even though my ticker down there only says 11.4 because I didn't start using one until the end of June....

I've lost

a little over

TWENTY POOOOOOOOUNDS!

My doctor was so happy she hugged me!!! I lost twenty pounds in ...what week is this...uuuh..hmmm...this is week eight so yeah about two months...WITHOUT EXERCISING MORE THAN JUST a bit of tidying up and some shop walking!!!

The AMAZING THING AS WELL IS THIS: So I weighed myself on Tuesday...I was late because I wasn't home for the 4th and I wanted to weigh on my scale so it would be recorded. If you check my ticker down there you'll see that on Tuesday I was back down to 373.8. I'd lost that pound I gained a couple of weeks ago so I was glad about that. I figured I'd probably lost a little more but with the holiday AND my monthly visitor upping my cravings (sorry guys, but it had to be said..but Sean, you live with a buncha ladies so hahah) I ate a lil out of cut but it was still a pound less.

When my vitals and weight was taken today, their digital scale read 370.4. I thought..well, it must be off but at least it's not more than 373.8!

So I just weighed myself at home on my scale.......and it says......

370.2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! THE MADNESS!! THE MAYHEM!! HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!

ahem...sorry.... No madness or mayhem just .....

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!

I'm just very very grateful and happy and ecstatic that I'm losing!!! I guess I haven't been eating as much as I thought I was! I have realized that my Achilles heel is BREAD!! not even pasta..but BREAD!! So I need to just lay low on the bread for a bit. Even though I limit my bread to real whole wheat or whole grain and if I do want pizza (with the exception of a couple of thin crust, frozen pizzas I had with salad only because I was totally exhausted and didn't want to cook) I make it myself. And if I make another pizza it's going to be one made with whole wheat added.

Also, apparently here in Chicago, if you have a prescription from your doc (written on prescrip. pad paper) to use the fitness centers in our park districts, you can use them for free!!! so I have one (one for my mom too cuz she's like pre-osteo and 66+); doc suggested doing the water aerobics. I can also use the equipment. I figure ..for free, and it gives me something to do that's PRODUCTIVE..since I haven't started seriously cleaning up my bedroom and other rooms yet...YIPPY!! I'm just kinda afraid of pools but as long as both my feet don't have to leave the bottom and if they do my arms are holding onto the side....YIPPYYYYYY!!!

I'm happy. even have to chuckle at my doc noticing that I was wearing eye shadow and other makeup and then she asked if I was on birth control....what was my birth control situation?!! hahahahahahahha....it's abstinence and my son!!!! I'm afraid of getting pregnant again and I'm still not married!! I guess she's thinking that with my "girley-ing" it up I might start dating and getting looks and yadda yadda yadda. While I do hope to be married one day..it's not square one on my checkerboard of things to do/accomplish right now in my life!

So, yes, it's been a minutes since I last posted but while I'd planned to at least try to come and say hello or something to let you all know I'm still alive...this just HAD ...HAAAAAD to be said!!!

Blessings!!

BENIGN!!!

2009-07-01T22:22:00.003-05:00

ALL IS WELL!!! The doctor called a few minutes ago and said it was benign. I've had abscesses in both of my armpits in the past, the most recent one in my left back in summer '07. had to have it drained, packed, etc.

From the biopsy, my arm still hurts and there're probably things I should have asked her while I had her on the phone but I was just happy to hear the good news.
the area is bruising up now..I guess it's normal??? just need to put some ice to it again. I kinda slept on the area a lil awkward last night.

I'm just very very happy!!

This will be a short post because I can't type it all!

thank you all for your prayers! Prayers works, answers problems, eases worries!!

Be blessed!

math? what math?

2009-07-01T01:17:00.002-05:00

last week I said I gave my son's daycare a 5 gallon bucket of icecream. well

I'M A DOLT! I realized that 5 Gallons would be one of those huge tubs of HOUSEPAINT!! what I meant was a 5 QUART bucket of icecream!! I was looking through a grocery circular and notice a 4 quart of ice cream on sale (nope, not getting it) and realized my oops moment!

I just like to correct myself. Especially if anyone was thinking I'm trying to kill these poor kids with not one but eventually TWO "5 gallon buckets" of ice cream!! yeah, math and I are civil neighbors at best most of the time.

Sooooo, yeah, it's 1:19AM cst and I really should have BEEN asleep about 3 hours ago! *sigh*....I have no idea what's goin' on with my summer/not having to go to work sleep cycle. I still have to get up to drop my son off and when I say I'm gonna come back and go back to sleep, a lot of times, I haven't.

I realized something. I remember Carnie Wilson talking about how she gave up her food addiction after the surgery...but then became somewhat addicted to alcohol. She traded one addiction for another. Don't call her weak or simple because I think I've just added more fuel to a spending problem I already have!

I've been doing good giving out gorging on foods, late night binging, sneaking away to drive-thrus for a burger and fries blowout, and other unsavory habits with food. I'm still having trouble eating these apples and oranges, and now grapefruits. I'm doing better with bananas and frozen fruit to make smoothies. Not sure what's going on there because I'm not using sugar...either Equal or Splenda..or the seltzer/crystal lite combo. Anyway, I'm getting my weight and eating habits in order. It's not perfect; I know it never will be. Doesn't mean one can't work towards perfection without losing a grip on reality.

My problem now is spending. I spend on things that are on sale, clearance, super discounted. I rarely buy things that are full price unless the full price is as good or better than another's sale price. I'm sort of working poor. If I didn't have a son and lived alone, I'd probably be considered upper-lower class or perhaps middle-class. But ANYWAY, getting to the point, my new dollar spiller of choice is make up! I've backed off of buying clothes. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not going to buy clothes that I can't fit yet..but well, I don't want to keep myself in the state of mind that I'll have something to fall back on by buying clothes that I can fit now or even have a lil room in now.

The makeup kinda happened out of the blue! I was youtubing because I've decided I want to loc my hair. I haven't done it yet because...just because....waiting for that news basically. One youtube poster has BEAUTIFUL locs so I was viewing her vids and a lot of them are of her demonstrating how she does her different styles of eyeshadowing. A lot of brush talks, MAC products, etc etc etc. So I'm not saying I want to BE her, but I have makeup sitting around that I'm doing nothing with, I decided..well, you're losing weight...why not treat yourself to being a lil bit girly?

Well, Like I said, I have a lot..well, I'll say a "lot" of makeup I'm not using...and yet, I still went and got MORE! I've gone from the $1 and $1.99 range up to around $7. I haven't splurged yet on any $15 stuff....I'm thinking, since I'm not a pro, I don't want to spend that much unless I've received a one on one consultation on how to apply it and the different color combos that will work for my face shape, skintone, etc. It seems easy to say that because I'm art teacher and sometimes artist, I'd already know about color combos, and I have some ideas, but this is stuff going on my face. Rather than walk outside looking like a drowned clown...you know?

uuuuh, I think I'm doing some after 1am rambling!!! so sad!
but yes, I think I've always been the type of person where once I get it into my head that I want to GO SOMEWHERE to shop . . . even if I don't buy a thing (most likely i'll find SOMETHING to buy) I won't really be content until I've made that trip. I was like that before I had my own vehicle...it's worse now that I do!

I've been like that for the past couple of weeks. . .just GOTTA GO! Tomorrow I'm gung ho about checking out a not-too-far but not often visited mall and a never before visited store, Big Lots. I know they're nationwide but I've just never gone to one before. the number one item on my agenda....more makeup and brushes. Need to get an actual makeup box....perhaps a bigger jewelry box to hold the growing about of necklace sets and earrings. yeah.....Lord help me!

Since I've been awake for so long I'm hungry again but since I'm about to make myself fall asleep, I'm gonna just grab a banana and some more water.

No call from my doc today even though I left her a Voicemail. perhaps the results were not in yet to her office.

Thanks for stopping by! yeah, it's really time for me to shut down....keep seeing things!

Weigh in

2009-06-27T22:47:00.003-05:00

I'm up a pound this week but it's no mystery how/why! too many carbs!!! that puts me up to uuuuuh, 374.8.

one word. pizza.

No biggie...I do know I need to up my intake of solid, "unsmoothied" fruit. I make my smoothies with water and a dash of sugar free fruit punch or sodium free seltzer water and equal or splenda and frozen mixed fruit or just strawberries. that might equal a couple of servings of fruit and that kind of fills me up but i need to really chow down these apples and oranges before they go rank!!!

so yea, I know the weakness and I know I need to limit that beast to once a week if I'm going to have it! Only thin crust and mainly cheese. I used turkey pepperoni but also bought regular in case I didn't like the turkey. But it tastes just the same with less calories and I think a bit less fat. Better option for those of you out there.

I'd like to welcome two know blog followers: Losing Waist! and Stephen Baird! Thanks for the add!

Also, I'd like to Thank my other blog followers: Chubby Chick, Sean Anderson, Don, Sunny Girl, thatTOPSlady, and Stephen (Who Ate My Blog?).

Your comments and personal blogs are an encouragement to me! Let's all keep it up!!

And now.....

So, I had my biopsy yesterday morning. It wasn't bad at all. Just the thought of having a needle shoved inside of you to take samples of something that could ...COULD...be life threatening but I'm sure it's nothing, just normal stuff. Either way, please keep me in your prayers. Also, one of my fellow church members is in bought...I don't EVEN know of breast cancer herself and apparently yesterday she suffered a stroke. She can't be 45 yet and she has had breast cancer at LEAST 8 times already but she's been blessed and held on to the hand of the Lord.

So, this is a short post because I need to go get some ice for my armpit and try to keep my son from lying on my arm, boob, pit, all that stuff over there! I had my sis come out to the house to babysit for me while my mom and I attended a banquet. But I decided to skip it because I don't have any After Five wear (I don't do many banquets so why bother buying, especially if I'm losing weight and will pay $50 easy for an outfit that won't fit in a month or two). Mostly though, the biopsy took samples from two different areas so I have two small incisions so I can't put any deodorant on that pit. Shaved pit or not, it's hot out there and I don't wanna end up with one funky pit or salty sweat seeping under the steri-strips and stinging the tar outta me!

So we stayed in. and everyone ended up taking a late nap!! apparently Siesta came late, but it still showed up!

sidebar: who or WHAT is "Theodore Tugboat"?? Looks like a bastardized version of Thomas the Tank Engine!!!!! even with a human, the "Harbor Master" that intros the episode. he works from his....Harbor Master Office.....HMO...lil propaganda there eh? heh heh heh

okey dokey...

2009-06-22T18:50:00.002-05:00

uuuugh, stuffed....pizza was okay...probably could have been better but it was a canned/pre-made pizza dough (pillsbury i think) and canned pizza sauce I used so. It was more for my son than me. I may have come out with less fat than a pizza joint pie. Probably not much but I know for certain I will need NOTHING ELSE to eat for the rest of the evening! I did cut some lettuce and slice a tomato for some salad. Even tossed a couple of boiled eggs left over from mom's boiling to help me eat them into the salad. That wasn't all for me, it was divided by 2 1/2 people so don't think I ate a whole bunch of salad! :)

I bought a 5gallon tub of chocolate ice cream to take to my son's daycare tomorrow as a cold treat on a super hot day when they probably won't get to play outside.

I should probably stay awake to help all this digest but well, if sleep wins....

just a lil quick mmm post

2009-06-22T14:49:00.002-05:00

So, a couple of Steak'Umms have been sitting in a, pretty much, open/unsealed box in the freezer for a good while now. Not sure if it's a good thing that they weren't freezer burned but maaaan, they were good.

Gonna finally make that homemade pepperoni pizza for my wee one! Will cut up some lettuce and tomato, and maybe cucumbers to go with it. Heat up some of this pan-roasted corn n' bell peppers as a bit of a side.

Tomorrow is on deck to be a hot one....heat index up to 100 degrees or something like that apparently. Hopefully Thursday will be cool..I forgot to mention that I think the Downtown Farmer's Market is on Thursdays in Chicago. I'm gonna look it up right now. I know I have at least the full month of July to enjoy supporting the downtown and neighborhood local farmer's markets but well, you know, this is the beginning of week 2 of summer break. *sigh*

Yeah, I dedicated a post to how good this simple sandwich was but well...yeah....

ah, week 6...in the mix....

2009-06-22T12:16:00.002-05:00

...started yesterday. Duh, that was a reason for posting. however, I was going to post on something else yesterday but didn't. I went out to a Tap/Bar whatever u wanna call it Friday night with an old coworker but still buddy that I had not seen in a lil over 2 years! It was cool. She's been going through some times so I figure, if she wanted to head out, I'd oblige. Heck, I WANTED OUT!! The only problem was that we decided on a night when buckets of rain decided to drop down!! Still went out though. It was nice. I made a pretty decent food choice as well.

It's a bar so you know you're not getting anything healthy...maybe some veggie sticks but well, even though it's the U of C, it's in a college/university community so yeah, greasy spoon! I opted for a grilled cheese and a small order of fries. I had some red wine as well...plus some water...lots of water! I shared the fries and also ended up eating half of the sandwich; gave the other half to my buddy! Later on she bought a cheeseburger and small fry and we split those as well. So yeah, I didn't gorge...I burned some calories talking and laughing so much so it was a great time! We'll have to do it again!

This week I'm going to hang with my sis while my son is in daycare getting his buddytime on!

Today, mom has a couple of doc appointments I'll be carting her around to...gonna be leaving for the first one in a couple of minutes actually.

Friday I have a biopsy that could make or break a weaker spirit but I'm convinced what's there are a couple of cysts I've had probs with before. If not then...well, I already know what I'll go through so. . .praying on that regardless.

Uuuuhm, what else...OH.yeah, i really need to either eat these apples fast or just not buy anymore for a while and grab canteloupes since I kinda owned those 3 I bought last week!! I was eating one yesterday and the seeds has started to SPROUT in the core!!! Not sick or anything...had I eaten them I'm sure it would have been like eating beans sprouts but yeah..I need to do something with these apples. I may just cook them with some water and splenda on the stove so they're cooked. And no, I'm not going to plant any apple seeds! The neighbor's plum trees are enough hell on OUR yard!!

Later all!

HAZZAAAAAAAAAH....!!!...???

2009-06-20T14:23:00.001-05:00

I'm sure I'm going to redo this tonight but I got outta the shower, dried off, got on teh scale...and low and behold that bad boy said.......

373.8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah, it may have been a bit of a glitch or offness of the weight or perhaps last week's weigh in was wrong...or perhaps I just dropped that much weight!! Stranger things have happened!!! Needless to say....it's a digital scale and I'm happy with what it read!!!!

meh...

2009-06-17T14:21:00.002-05:00

meh....feelin' decent. waiting to hear from the towing company assigned by Kars 4 Kids to pick up the busted car I bought for my sis. Okay, I didn't know it was busted and her friend didn't have it totally looked over save for the radiator she knew needed replacing. Paid $500 for the car and $300+ for the new radiator. She paid $70 to have a full diagnostic done on the car and the repairs it needs are way more than the care is even WORTH! (needs a new transmission which I could feel shortly after buying it even though I test drove it myself.)

Live and learn. just buy new used or new!

now, my van is doing okay but it's 4 years younger than her car (same car company; Plymouth).

As for my essays that are due....a masterpiece of NOTHING! I decided that I'm going to just take the D and F I'll end up getting and retake the courses one at a time...however, not necessarily right this fall....I don't have to take the courses in any order accept the last, thesis course.

I decided on that because, while I'm going to have to eat the costs of those courses, I'm really stressed out when it comes to trying to even read the books to research the topics. The problem is everytime I get to reading one my mind wanders or I'm focused but then I get super sleepy!!! It's not like they aren't topics I have an interest in because I CHOSE THEM!!

I think I'm just intimidated by having to pull 10-12 pages out of my ass when the most I've written on a regular basis is maybe 5 pages and at most one or two 8pagers.

Now, this decision to just chuck 'em out and redo the courses later down the road won't be final until I've let Monday come and go and I've submitted nothing. Monday is the deadline, not Wednesday like I kept thinking. two days means a lot when you're a procrastinator!

I'm sure I'm going to try again..I've got tomorrow without the boy at home and then Friday I'm sure mom will cart him off downstairs while I try to get this stuff finished up here. I can only try. I've got that.

weigh in

2009-06-14T23:38:00.002-05:00

With the dessert prep (which was just a delicious as it's regular counterpart btw) last night I forgot to do my weigh-in until late last night. I'm down to 380.4! Not quite a 2 pound loss but I had to tell myself IT'S A LOSS so DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU SUCK AT THIS! I'm going to fight with myself to stay awake (if that means downing a pot of coffee then bring on Mr. Coffee and Juan Valdez to create unholy partnership of caffeine and heat) and get these papers finished and submitted this week so I can be DONE with these to grad courses once and for all!! I'm really rethinking it. I still want/need the master degree but do I want to continue to pursue it the online route? I know it's me and my horrid time management but for now, it's the easiest way to go.

But sometimes, easy isn't always best so...
I should be able to get these papers finished though since my son will still be in daycare/preschool over the summer while I'm on summer break.

I need to update my lil ticker down there. At first, the scale said 379.1 or something like that but I was trying to get it to save the results for my user number and the tapping and standing thing I'm supposed to do wasn't working. So yesterday's results aren't saved. When I weigh this Saturday I will have re-read the manual again so I know what line dance movement I'm supposed to do to get it to work (tap tap shuffle turn scoot scoot your caboose)! But yeah, 379.1 then the last 3 times it said 380.4 so that's what I'm going with. No big deal (even if I didn't think that last night.

As usual I'm sleepy. . . so with that....

Peace and Be Blessed!

slimmed down dessert

2009-06-13T19:58:00.002-05:00

Building Fund service is tomorrow evening at 4 and we have a potluck dinner in between services. I'm going to take a Tiramisu Bowl ( http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/recipes/tiramisu-bowl-106862.aspx ) that is trimmed back a bit. I've had and made it the regular way before but, well, not only do I need to lose weight but so many in our small congregation need to as well and/or are diabetic. So I'm going to use fat-free/sugar-free vanilla pudding, skim milk (outta skim so watered down whole instead), Reduced Fat Vanilla Wafers, 1/3less fat cream cheese, Splenda, uuuuuuh oh, and either fat-free or low-fat whipped topping.

I'm sure hey won't complain and since I'd like to be able to have a taste of it without feeling like I've cheated, I need to make it this way. So be it.

I'm super sleepy so I need to get to cracking before I end up having to wake up tomorrow morning to make it!

howdy all

2009-06-12T19:44:00.003-05:00

Perhaps it was the excitement of today being the last day of school and they beginning of summer break and the fact that I'd have some time to myself before I had to go pick up the boy but the only thing I had to eat...or drink...was the bowl of Cheerios around 7am. I didn't eat again until about 2:30pm. I could have grabbed something at Panera Bread but I refused. I could have stopped somewhere but I didn't. I wasn't starving and I remembered I had an apple in the van. I still didn't eat until I got home. And I did a LOT between getting to work and returning back home! Did some last minute straightening up of my room, then after I left I went to World Market a few blocks away from work. I was in the mood for a bottle of red to let sit. I'm afraid of the one I have though (suggested) because it only has an alcohol volume of 5.5% which seems like it's going to be very very week and possibly too sweet...like a port. And I don't want a port. I guess I'll have to stick to a 12.5% and let it breathe a little longer before drinking it. I'll judge it once I try it. I've still got a Chianti sitting from my last visit there. I also picked up some Italian Lemon Soda...really good...I could make it myself with some club soda, fresh lemon juice, and instead of the cane sugar, I'd have splenda...maybe honey. Save myself some calories. Plus, I picked up some sun-dried tomatoes and dry salami. The salami smelled like spicy a$$...and tasted like it smelled. Something told me NOT to get it but I did. 2.49 pissed away cuz I tossed that and spit out what I had and rinsed my mouth it was so bad! I'll just stick to regular old Genoa hard salami if I want a treat. Aldi has that already sliced.....AAAAND, fresh mozzerrella!! I know this because I stopped by there to replenish some fresh veggies and booooy howdy, they had strawberries for .99, cantelope for .99, and red grapefruits for .29!! Those were right by the entrance!! YAY! Picked up some Roma tomatoes, a couple of cucumbers and heads of lettuce, some bags of frozen chicken breasts and a whole fryer chicken. I trim the excess fat from the chicken and roast it with herbs. I can't wait to cook this one...it's in the fridge thawing now. I have some red potatoes to roast as well. Perhaps some fresh green beans. Speaking of which, I need to go put those beans in the ground! The peas are growing nicely and I'm sure it's time to pick some more collards.

Sooo, I'm going to (again) look for recipes because days at home mean more opportunities to goof off with the food and eating right. I will be trying to get out and do some more walking. And ....use the dvds I bought.

So, yeah, I just had some light microwave popcorn (shared with my son), some slushified lemon soda (mmmm), water, and now here I am. Sleepy because of all the running around I've done the past couple of days and excitement. Gonna cut this here. If something more peaks my typing fancy, I'll be back.

I'm soooo freaking tired!!

2009-06-11T23:23:00.002-05:00

So as not to keep you all waiting...I made it through the night and today with none of that cake!!! YAY!! However, I DID have some of the cake served at my mom's retirement party. At first I was going to split a piece 3 ways with my sis and my son...then decided to get my own piece because, I knew I'd only have one piece, (and thank goodness there was NONE leftover) and it was a reasonable size piece.

The party was very very nice and my mom was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SURPRISED!! They did a really good job and being who she is, my mom was helping to set up decorations because she just thought it was the end of the year party for the faculty and staff. She'd even paid her $25 for the lunch!!! she got it back in a card along with money gifts from everyone totaling $400!!! She CAN'T spend it on bills..has to be something for HER ONLY!! We're still trying to figure out what to get her with our kids funds or where to send her. Not as easy as we thought cuz she'll want one of us to go with her and if I go then I'm trying to get someone else to watch my son cuz it's really not a vacation with him...well, a relaxing one at least.

The menu was not horrible at all!!! I was very pleased! VERY Pleased. Green beens almondine with little or no sale added, mashed potatoes with gravy on the side, salad, fried AND BAKED chicken, 4" french bread rolls, and Italian beef with or without peppers.

I had salad with a drizzle of Italian dressing, a BAKED chicken breast, about 1/2 c. of green beans, no mashed potatoes, and a bread roll and Italian Beef. Everything was good too and I did have the cake but I didn't have any last night. Since about 1pm with the food was eaten I've had 1 1/2 beef sandwiches. and it's 11:32 now and I had the last one around 9:15. I wasn't going right to bed because I drove my sis back home so I was still up and about. I haven't had any fruit today though so I'm kinda iffy about that. I didn't feel like an apple or an orange. For breakfast I had my usual 1 cup of cold cereal and skim milk. After I got my sis we came back to the "main house" to wait for my bro and sis n law so we could head over to mom's school together. I had more water and a bit of trail mix..not even a 1/4 cup...and then a Bagelful.

Today was a good day. I can't say with honesty that I didn't have any of that cake on the stove though. When I got back home I got a taste (literrally like an ounce maybe) of that cake and icing and thought ...meh. If I don't have a whole piece..I'll live.

The uh oh moment of the day was not with food but with one of my tires blowing out. Apparently one of the downfalls of buying a super used vehicle is not knowing the age of the tires on it. This one gave a little over a year but I'm told it was dry-rotted and there was really nothing I did to cause it or anything I could do to prevent the pop!! Luckily it happend about 5 blocks from home and my mom has AARP Road and Tow coverage even though the only vehicle on it is mine. We were quoted that service would be there in an hour but he was there within about 20 minutes so that was a blessing. He put the "donut" on and I was now trying to find a place to buy a used tire because, while it's the last day before summer break, I still need to go to work tomorrow and a baby spare on the expressway is not the business for me! I wanted used because I eventually plan to get a newer used vehicle that I won't have to worry so much about. This one came to make with aobut 140K+ and It's got almost 167K now in a little over a year. Not sure if tha's average because this is my first vehicle that I own. My big red baby!
It all worked out, got a nice looking used for only 23.50 total. A new one from Sam's Club would have been $50+ AND $15 to put it on. I wouldn't have made it to them in time tonight and the other places were closed or equipment wasn't working. The bad equip guy told me about the one I ended up going to and it worked out. Even got to see a big ol' dog take a monster poop!!! That hasn't happened since I dog died 3 years ago!!! Yeah, gross but you need a giggle moment too!

Okay, I think I've got everything in ....will only get about 5 hours of sleep probably but it's better than nothing...or 1-3 hours. 1-3 hours is just plain wrong!!

I must remember...

2009-06-10T22:52:00.002-05:00

...that some people just won't change. Subject A: My mom. Today the classroom teacher who's room she's assigned to gave her a couple of balloons, cards from herself and the kids, and a cake for my mom's retirement. I'm guessing they wanted to do something early with the kids since they wouldn't be there all day on Friday and not at all tomorrow, hence the surprise party at her school. So, naturally the leftover cake is hers so she brought it home. This a day, ONE DAY, after she brought home leftover fried chicken and fries from lunch...and asked me if I wanted some.

Insert frustrated yell here.

I had to tell her, I CAN'T have that, it's fried. Her response, oh I forgot. I'm sorry. okay.

An age of mid 60s, early 80s, 100s, whatever . . . I've been obese my entire life...clearly there's no room for forgetting that your youngest daughter SHOULD NOT be eating fried food, fast food, take out food, whatever!

So I've had to resist the powerful temptation to go in there and have some cake or even OPEN THE BAG to see what kind it is!!!! I want no parts of that! I don't want to see if...I can only guess what kind it is that little kids would want to eat.

Now my sis made an okay point saying that my mom can't totally adjust what she does to accommodate my need to lose weight and not see the uh oh and no no foods she wants to bring home. Too much of a hassle to "hide" the cake downstairs and have to go down there to that fridge every time she wants a piece (we live in a 2 flat with full basement and full attic btw so that's why there's a fridge up and downstairs...2 apartments). However, is it too much for her to remember there are things I need to be doing to change my lifestyle? I mean, every now and then she goes into rants about how I need to watch what I'm eating and I need to exercise and "we gonna walk together, put gran-man in a stroller and take him with us" and then, You want some chicken? WTF?! Besides, right now I'm thinking, she goes down there every day anyway so why not but, not my house, not my rules. However, my sis has never had to consciously try to eat better to lose weight because she has a condition where she's gonna drop weight anyway, most times without even trying.

I really REALLY hate knowing that cake is in there. I'm gonna have to wake up in the night to take a pee cuz I've been drinking water late in the day! I've been strong so far but this is probably similar to how a recovering addict feels when they roommate still drinks, smokes, or does whatever drug they've quit but they can't really afford to move yet. I'm fighting with my mind right now to say YOU DON'T NEED IT.

On top of the cake issue, I'm afraid of what's going to be on the menu for this party tomorrow that I'll be able to actually eat without have to scalp it first. I should probably take my water jug with me. Oh crap, I need to pack my son's bag "to take to work with me since I'm taking him with me" ... that's the cover story I told my mom in case she wanted to call the daycare and they tell her that I never dropped him off or that he's not there, whatever.

I do hope I will have an empowering post for you all to read tomorrow that I was able to say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to the cake. But right now there's this vampire that hasn't had a fresh stream in a day or two like pang in my stomach and mouth that's like...come ooooon, a lil bit won't hurt. Well, for me...as I've stated before, it will. I'm not at that stage in the game where I an have a sliver and be satisfied.

I should have been asleep so I'm going to do that now and pray for strength that the potty trip is just that....go potty, come back to bed. don't even LOOK in that direction!!!

later, *wave*

into week 4

2009-06-08T22:05:00.002-05:00

So yeah, yesterday was the first day of Week 4 "Lose some More". I doubt the trend of giving each week a rhyming name will last! I'm wondering if counting the weeks is a good or bad idea for me? I've realized there are a lot of things that work for other people that don't work for me . Consciously counting calories, fat, carbs, etc., I mean, I do look at the labels to even check what I'm putting in my body from the serving amounts in each package to some of the ingredients. Is it real whole grain or whole wheat or is their caramel coloring in it? Is the flour bleached or enriched? Will I be floating for the next week because of the astronomical amount of sodium in each serving that has me bloated and swollen? I just don't journal what I've eaten during the day all too well. I' not saying that writing or using my hands to write is dead because I still doodle, draw, grade papers...I still have to use my hands for the ancient art of writing. It's just that I type WWWWAY faster than I write! I could blog my food intake for the day but then I'd have to remember what I ate. I realize that I'm only eating 3 or 3 1/2 times a day and it's not bothering me. I'd thought I was going to eat 5-6 smaller meals but well, I'm satisfied with what I'm getting so far so .. .

It's late but I wanted to blog something. I missed yesterday. This is the last week of school b4 break. I really should be trying to get a summer job to make some income on top of my pay from work over the summer. I probably won't. Will spend my summer at home in the garden/yard trying to manage the plum trees sprouting up everywhere, paying for a new fence for the backyard, and cleaning up inside the house. Maybe finally getting those floor tiles in the kitchen and bath and painting the walls. It's a lot but I've been doing it since 2006..yeah, it's not finished yet. go figure! At least the chance to burn some calories is there. I'm also hoping to get a good amount of painting completed and perhaps started. I have 4 works do complete that have been commissioned. Two are for my church and I'm probably not even gonna collect on the rest of that money. It's been since 2006 and they still aren't finished. So tell me why I took on two more posters last year? Cuz I have high hopes but then ..yeah...just like my grad courses....I take on projects that I should have some hindsight in by now.

For now, I'm thinking my health is first and foremost after my son's. I have to make sure I'm living so if that means just putting everything and everyone else on hold short of my job, so be it. I need to work on me. Even though I am working on some gifts those are no big deal They'll be finished by tomorrow (started them today). Time seemed to fly by today even though I had not a one student in my class today because hardly no one showed up and those who did chose to hang in another teacher's room. I'm going to have to take advantage of the down time to start the reading and finish the papers that are due.

Here's an ongoing prob for me though:
I'm wondering why I can't get through reading one page of reading before I'm yawning and just feeling overwhelmed with trying to get it read? Even magazine articles in a magazine I've bought because I like it! That's a real pisser when you're trying to browse through about 30 books and articles combined to get enough information to write two 10-12 page papers and one 5 page paper based on just one book. It really interferes with my progress in life recently. If I can't get the reading done I won't be able to get the papers written and there goes over $1600 down the drain because if I stay with this school and this degree then I'm going to have to take those two required courses again eventually...I don't have to repeat them asap...can take the courses in any order. Whatever course I take, whenever I take it, there's gonna be reading and paper writing and my brain is in "what are you crazy?!?" mode.

okay for real Good Night All

oh yeah, forgot to mention this gem!

2009-06-06T20:34:00.002-05:00

OH YEAH,

I treated the mom and son to a lunch at a restaurant that we had NEEEVER been to before despite their history of being just a few miles away. The food was delicious and I'm GLAD TO SAY, that there were not only two but THREE doggy bags leaving with us!!! Only a few weeks ago I would have devoured that plate/bowl of linguine with mushrooms, broccoli, and chicken in a white wine sauce that was enough for four people to get a decent helping. Instead, when I saw the food before the lovely waitress (Wendy, a doll :) ) was even good and ready to bring it to the table, I said ooooh, I'm so not gonna finish that food!! I had nibbled on salad and I think I did have too much bread before the food. There was just SOOO much salad that I couldn't finish it; I wanted to eat some of the entree. After lunch is when we went to Walmart so that was about an hour of on my feet time...enough for me to really realize that the new wedges I bought yesterday are for those times when you'll be sitting for the majority of your time wearing them! ouch! but it's not their fault . . . I need a wide width and they only camIe in regular but they still fit. I said, dab nabbit they're cute enough, Payless is having a BOGO sale, I want them. . . and and DOGGONIT I'd better be able to fit them better by summer's end! I'll always need a size 12...but not always a wide width. So I'm good.

I just had the contents of my doggy bag and when I put it on the plate that was when I realized that there was JUST SO MUCH of it! I ate it all and I feel full. Not stuffed, not still hungry or "hungry". Satisfied. I'm downing some water to help it along now and not to be gross but before I ate lunch and about an hour ago, I ..uuuh...emptied out and made room for more. So, I don't know if that sounds like I'm justifying eating the rest of the food but I don't feel like I just piled now food on top of old food so everything is just sitting around.

It seems like it was a bit of devine intervention to actually eat at that place. I'd planned on visiting a pancake house and hoping there would be something light like an eggwhite omelette and fresh fruit on the menu. BUUUUUUT, as I saw the first one that I'd forgotten about, too crowded...got to the one I was planning for, tooo crowded. Now, I know these kind of places usually have a high volume on Saturdays so I was expecting that but today? Today is graduation day for a lot of schools in the city so by 11:30am some were letting out and well, people wanna eat. No parking, looked like there was a standing room only wait, NEXT! So I was kinda in a bind. I was hungry; the Cheerios were wearing off, and I didn't want to go all the way to Red Lobster. Since I am still boycotting Applebees because of the crap service and food we received the last time we were there, it wasn't an option. I noticed the restaurant seemed to be open so I turned, parked, checked to see if they had seating, then checked the menu, saw some nice looking options (I was scanning for something healthy-esque and that I also didn't already have the makings for at home), went back out to scoop up the fam, then went back to check if they took cards cuz I don't carry cash much at all.

This was an Irish-style restaurant...I think mostly because it was in a historically Irish neighborhood (Evergreen Park). Actually, thinking about it, the menu was more Italian (pasta, pizza, oooh that pizza smelled divine!, etc.) than Irish...was there even a corned beef sandwich on the menu??? I had a thought about how the portions are so ... so huge. Then I thought about how greek restaurants (some) give you so much..hence, what I heard coined "Greek portions" or even Italian family style eating which seems to have nothing to do with the fact that you pass the platters of food around the family table and more to do with the fact that you get enough food for yourself to feed a family!! Yet, in the Mediteranean region where Italy and Greece are is where they're supposed to be so fit, etc. I think it's just because with Americanization comes the need to be bigger and better . . . however, that concept just DOESN'T WORK for every little thing. You can't have huge portions of food to justify the bigger price tag because well, you end up with over half of a country's occupants that are overweight, obese, or in my case morbidly obese. Okay, I know that it's about personal choices and no one told you to eat 4 Wendy's .99 burgers, fries, Frosty, and chicken nuggets or a TOTAL RAID of the McDonalds Dollar Menu!!!! But well, the whole concept of Americanization when it comes to marketing food to people is just sickening.

I think I lost my train of thought..............oh. Over in Italy and Greece...they do a loooooot of walking so they can have that big meal...but really, I don't even know if they have these BIG meals there like the "Italian" and "Greek" restaurants here in America...namely Chicago. But well, they have so much beautiful AWESOMELY BEAUTIFUL naturally beautiful and did I mention BEAUTIFUL landscape and old world architecture, art, and culture to walk and take in before, during, and after a meal. Where's my plane ticket and closed real estate deal at for Tuscany??? sigh

Well, despite my mini anti-American BIG EVERYTHING UP diet rant, I'm sure we'll eat there again...and I'm sure I'll be bringing home a doggy bag instead of forcing down an entree fit for four!

I think that's all. Gonna drink some more water. Peace and Blessings!

on track and happy

2009-06-06T20:05:00.004-05:00

So I did indeed find and buy a digital scale at Walmart that goes up to 400 pounds. I think it cost 34.98+tax. It saves user info for up to 4 people, not bmi, hydration somethin' or other, and bone mass or anything high tech like one that was about $10 more. I just wanted something that would give me an accurate reading...okay, "accurate". I " " it because when I got it all set up (it came with batteries..ooo) and used it it gave me 3 different weights. The one I'm going with is still good. a little over 5 pounds lost (instead of the first reading which was a lil over 6) since I saw my doctor back in May which was pretty much 3 weeks ago. I'd decided to make another try at losing weight a couple or so days before my appointment. I'd had about 3 or so months to go back to that appointment since my last one but I had not tried so I KNEW I was gonna get it with both barrels!

Welp, I was 386.1 or .8, I didnt write it down. However, a few minutes ago, my weight was 381.8.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah, I'm quite happy! Feeling pretty nice about that loss. So now, IF I'D JUST ADD THE EXERCISE TO THE SCHEDULE....wow. That loss is with walking only and not much more added to my daily routine than usual. I've added only a little bit more walking per day. I still have my dumbbells from years back and actually a weight set now that I remember it. Soooooooo, yeah, almost about 2 pounds a week. Average. Very content. Tomorrow begins Week 4.

So, bring on WEEK FOUR, LOSE SOME MORE!

light and easy breezy

2009-06-06T00:01:00.002-05:00

the title is how I'm feeling. I'm watching my son dance to the credits music for Ghostbusters 2!! this is entertainment!!! especially since it's midnight and my 3-year-old son will NOT GO TO SLEEP!!! sigh.

well, i had a chicken salad sandwich a lil later than I should have but I figure it's better than what the alternative would have been a few weeks ago! While I was out today alone, I passed up so many restaurants and drive-thrus and that lil voice in me that says, hey, go get such-n-such had to be repressed and ignored. Glad to say, while I was out for about 5 hours before I returned home I didn't eat again after breakfast until I was back at home. Held out, ignored the mini-urges. It's amazing..AMAAAAAZING..how my mind can quickly forget that I'm trying to lose weight and quickly fall into hey, you're alone, you had to take a day off work so no one is at home when you return, you could just buy a crapload of crap food, get home, wallow in your own food and after-pity, and toss the evidence out into the trash cans outside. Yeah, I've done all of that before and I for the first time in my life I'm really aware of the fact that I am having to remind myself and tell myself NO, you'll EAT WHEN YOU GET HOME! YOU WILL ONLY EAT AT HOME FOOD YOU HAVE PREPARED YOURSELF!

Today, I'm proud of myself. I may have spent a bit too much money while I was out enjoying not having to worry about if my mom is stressed watching my son while I'm away from home and I need to get that in check SUPER FAST, like 10 years ago!! Okay, yeah, anyway, I'm trying to girly up my wardrobe again. That's how I know I'm doing a good job at making better choices...when I actually want to dress like I'm happy with my appearance. I'm not, but I know I'm taking steps to get there. And it's summer ...almost...despite what this doggone weather is doing I mean, we're a couple of weeks from summer and it was in the 50s during the day this week!!!...Anyway, I'm already heavy...I hate having full belly in summer heat so I tend to eat a bit lighter anyway unless I know I'm not going out (say, I'm visiting my bro out of town and we tend to sloth around) but this summer, I just don't think I'm going to be binging. Whether I'm working or not, I'm going to have to use my days wisely. Be active. Drive to the track or just to out and walk the blocks while my son is still in daycare school. He'll be in the official Pre-K program this fall. welp, sleep calls...kinda....it's been calling...I've been ignoring it.

slow typing to remain quiet so i don't disturb the girls taking their exam...but...

2009-06-02T12:49:00.004-05:00

why do students look on one another's paper for answers? I've found that when grading these papers, they all have the same answers wrooooooooooong! Had they just done their own work, they may have surprise themselves and gotten the work correct. or the two who's final exams I just confiscated because they didn't think I was watching the class so one decides to write a note to the other and they're shocked that I noticed it. so now, they only get points for the incomplete work submitted. Neither looks like it's even 'D' work. Maybe it's best that I do leave and use my talents somewhere else. And please don't think you're gonna look on the other girl's paper to finish writing your answers and I won't notice that either. Yeah, see aforementioned comment about using other's answers. And don't talk because the rule still applies that I take a point from your exam for every time I hear your mouth once you've received it. yeah, you're already up to 3...4 points. what's so hard about sitting and being quiet? are you 3? My son is 3 and can't be still or be quiet...but...HE'S THREE!! You're how old? And still a freshman or sophomore? Probably because you just CAN'T....SHUT....UP!!!!! For shame. Had she just sat at the empty table, she's still have her exam to do. oh well.

I feel light today...well, light-ish. If I keep up the good work I'll be cool. I have black beans soaking in water to boil when I get home to add to the Taco casserole/pie for dinner. I think I'm going to do two things differently. Use shredded chicken instead of ground turkey, and tear or slice the tortillas instead of layering them whole. I think that will make for easier serving of smaller portions instead of trying to slice more than 6-8 slices which, if it's not cold and firm thus easier to slice (ie, slicing it soon after it is made) will just make a mess of it all. Will have lettuce and tomato with it and....water I guess, haven't really thought too much on the beverage. Maybe a decaf, skim, iced coffee? mocha? I've never made those so at home so . . . yeah, water sounds good. I think a smoothee will be too heavy for the meal. even with the skim milk I use. ooooh, a fruit fizzie...frozen fruit, splenda, and sodium-free club soda.

oooooweee!

2009-06-01T22:58:00.002-05:00

So as I was looking at my sideview in the potty bathroom at work I was wondering..do I look a lil smaller? Well, it may have been the shirt or perhaps I've lost enough weight to show a difference? When I went to pick up my son from daycare school, the teacher there asked if I was dieting because she could tell. She said as I was walking back to my van after dropping him off this morning she was like, ooooo she's losing weight! I need to lose weight in my feet and legs so my feet and ankles will stop swelling up a bit when I wear my cute new wedges shoes! If I didn't say it before, I didn't think I'd like wedges, but well, here I am now with 3 pairs of tall wedge heeled shoes and one pair low wedge heeled shoes. :D I'm at that point again where I'm wanting to dress up a lil bit more.

Despite finding out today from the boss that the closing of my position at school at been completed and while she thinks she'll be able to get it back open and to not sign anything until I know for certain it won't be reopened, I can't wait. I have to apply, and then I'll be in a bind if I'm offered a position. On the one hand, I like my current position. On the other, if my position is reopened, what happens if either it or the entire school (BIG BIG IF, don't wanna speak life anything anything) is closed after 09-10? Then I'm right along with the crowd looking for a new position. All I know is I need to work. I have to work. I guess I wanna work ;), and I'd rather teach as my work. Despite all of that, I'm good. Not feeling horrible. Just sleepy...and kinda anxious. So yeah, it's sleepy time.

Week 3, Getting back to Me.

2009-06-01T11:16:00.005-05:00

So yeah, I've been away from bloggin for too many days. What has happened in those days? I actually attended a party. I didn't feel tooooooo socially awkward because apparently texting during a party or any social gathering has become the new thing!! I found that I wasn't the only person staring at a cell phone or some other mobile device sending a text, checking an email, tweeting, updating a Facebook status...how sad. The social scene, for that, is DEAD! So I don't feel so outta place. I did still feel like the fattest thing in the room with all eyes on me...however, they weren't, and those that were probably could be neither here or there about my size. So yeah, doesn't matter today.

Last week I'm going to chalk up to too much meat and cake. Horrible week, horrible choices, but I think I sort of redeemed myself Saturday? Not sure. I need to figure out what to have for dinner this week so I won't be tempted to order out/in whatever you call it. I'm glad to say that I've gone another week with NO FAST FOOD! Not only just fast food, but no restaurant food at all. Feeling good about that. We did grocery shopping yesterday so I'm restocked on oranges, apples, and YES, this week is Chicken Salad week again! Made a big ol' 5 gallon ice cream bucket full of it. This time I have celery and eggs in the same batch. Got my mom to understand that if she wants to help me use up eggs, just boil them. no more cake. Had to tell her that if I had willpower to not eat all the cake or more than a small slice, then I wouldn't be almost 400 pounds right now! The point is I DON'T have that willpower that others have to stay the course and see past a month or so. I'm just trying to make it to the end of the day..as in 24 hours.. without slipping up. I say 24 hours because I could easily wake up during the night and munch on something or chug a glass of pop if it's in the house. luckily for me the only thing I want during the night most times is just water. i'm too doggone sleepy to ruin my sleep cycle with food! however, summer and summer break is fastly approaching..

Speaking of summer, I still have like 3 long papers to write for my online grad courses that I haven't even started the reading for. I requested an extention in both classes and they were approved however, it still does me no good because I really need the summer and the break from work it gives me to focus those hours of the weekdays to working on those papers. I can't really do it while I'm at work. For starters..it's like 66 degrees outside and probably humid, and yet it feels like friggin' 50 or so in this building! I seriously can't concentrate when my body temp is too cold! I can deal with warm and too warm, even hot, but not cold when I'm about to start shivering. I would open the window to let some warm ar in but the sun is not on this side of the building. So yeah, the building temp regulation SUCKS!!! no reason for the temp outside to be in the 30s and yet the vents are blowing out cool air, no air at all, or the air warms up around 2:04 when the students leave for the day and I'm only in my classroom for 41 more minutes tops!!! oy.

Anyway, I'm going to think of something to do with all these grains and legumes I have. I have lentils, black beans, black eye peas, great white northerns and pinto beans (tooo many of those and I don't really care for pintos) red beans, and a bean soup mix. Also I have brown rice .....and whole wheat pastas. I know the basic recipes for these things . . . like I have some soy "meat" crumble that I stir fry to heat through and then add that to some cooked lentils to make a lentil "dirty rice" thing. The black beans I've added with whole kernel canned corn (rinsed off) and added those to a taco bake with ground turkey, cheese, salsa, and layered flour tortillas. I haven't made that in a while...next time I make it, I'll probably skip the turkey and get the protein from the means and cheese. The red beans...red beans and brown rice. I made some white chicken chili with the great white northerns a while ago, around Thanksgiving, during my last weightloss attempt. The black eye peas..please, I'd eat those bad boys dry if it wouldn't crack my teeth!! I LOVE 'EM!

I'm want different recipes and I was looking online for some but, well, once I get into Facebook land it's pretty much over. I forget everything else I'd planned to do!! I'd make a list to remind me but...I forget to make the list! That's why I tell my students to work on their memories now and manage their time better now because it doesn't get easier when you're grown!!

Welp, it's lunch time so I'm gonna bring my grub back to the classroom cuz I know I'll probably have some girls running in trying to finish their work! Tomorrow is the final exam and then that's it. I put my grades in Wednesday at the latest and then zoof....

Feelin' fine.

2009-05-27T18:34:00.002-05:00

Just waiting out this week cuz I'm like super exhausted cuz ...I'm...yeah...I'm going through what you dudes out there never will go through! Need to ask the doc about a prescription for Iron pills....I don't think I'm getting enough from these multivitamins.

that is all.

thanks for stopping by.

sorry not so in-depth.

Still love ya though!

whoops

2009-05-26T18:02:00.003-05:00

too much dinner. too much cake...one slice was too much...I had like...I think 3. I could have just not posted that or lied about it to you good people...but why lie? I'll still know the truth. So, I know I need to just stay away from all the foods that will tempt me to gorge! I think I had too light of a lunch and knowing there was bbq (mediocre or not, bbq is bbq!!) waiting at home I got a lil' excited. What did I have besides too much cake...a bit too much meat and I think the sides...one or two could have been omitted.....half a bone-in chicken breast, like 3 or 4 spare rib bones, a 6-7" boiled corn on the cob, about 3/4 cup or so of cole slaw, about a cup of pasta tuna salad, and like 2/3 or 3/4 cup of cucumber-tomato-onion salad. And a generous cup of sugar-free punch.

I'm sleepy right now but there are a couple of things I need to get done first. soooo sleeeeeppyyyyy.

The day after hell~

2009-05-26T08:40:00.002-05:00

I should have done the grilling on Saturday so I would have had time to wash my hair and not come to work with a 'fro smelling like smoke! ugh! I also wouldn't be so tired from having done so much the day before work. We would have eaten at a more reasonable dinner hour and not 7pm! The grills could have cooled off more efficiently rather than my bro having to dump coals on the ground and hose them at dusk. I probably would have woken up a lot earlier than I did yesterday because I was"dreading" the work ahead of me. Had I done the grilling on Saturday I would have had a gorgeous day to do it and not the rainy hell we had to compete with yesterday. I couldn't get the grills started in enough time and I forgot to soak the wood chips so most of them burned out before they had a chance to smoke the meats.

In my opinion the meal was subpar. It wasn't what I was expecting...but enough of that.

I didn't PIG OUT and considering that I didn't have much to eat before or during the cooking (Special K and skim milk for breakfast, a fruit smoothie with skim milk and frozen fruits for lunch) I could have very easily justified gorging! I just wasn't feeling the dinner. It wasn't my best work but no one else was complaining. I think food almost tastes best when you're not the one cooking it. I'll try to do smoking again in the future and I am in the market for a better, bigger bbq grill and I need to see what parts are missing for this smoker my dad acquired a year or so before he died but never used. However, I can't make such a big investment just yet because I must know with absolute certainty that I will have a job next school year. I'm confident that my position will not be cut by the board because art is a requirement. I'm not trying to look around the building to see who else could be cut before me because that seems like headhunting but I probably should to get a bit of perspective on it.

But, I know I need to let it go and let God work it out for me. If my position is cut...then I know I need to sign up to be a Cadre Sub within 30 days and GOD HELP ME being a sub!! I really need to be in charge of my own class because I know the hell these kids put subs through! I maybe leave the City and trying for a position in a suburb or an entirely different county...which means moving...which I can't really afford right now ...even though I really need to have a place for just me and my son so all that "outside noise" can be remedied...maybe.

I'm just wishing the sun would make another appearance. I don't get it. Is it mourning weather? Is that why just about EVERY MEMORIAL DAY I can remember, it has rained???

ONE WEEK BEHIND ME!

2009-05-24T22:13:00.003-05:00

I'll have to look in my archives and see if I've used this title before since I started to type One and this is what popped up as something that had previously been typed in that field. Regardless, I FEEL FABULOUS about my success for this past week of starting my better eating again! There were two occasions (tues. and fri. evenings) where I could have very quickly fall off the wagon due to the food that was provided at these small receptions. I'm VERY happy about that. So, I just need to add a lot more exercise into my days. With all of that, I should be able to fit into this black dress hanging on the door in November for my lil "look what I've accomplished" celebration I plan to have. And won't it be so nice to be able to shop inside of stores for my clothes instead of having to order my larger sizes online? There ARE stores where I can shop right now but the clothes are a lil snug but even after I drop the pounds they're still so expensive! I'd like to be able to get some clothes at Walmart again. A "new favorite" even though I haven't bought a thing from them yet, is Old Navy. They have my size online but not in the stores. I want to oooo la la of shopping in the store and walking out with my merchandise! That reminds me, I need to make that list don't I? Not avoiding it, just forgetting to.

AAAaaaah, so yesterday I was awake for so long that I had some trail mix but I only had half my usual serving..and a glass of skim milk.

Today was another pretty lazy day aside from going out early this morning to water all the container plants, new young shrubs and all the rose bushes. I'm sure once we have the new fence installed I'll plant some more roses! However, if I ever get to move out of here and get my own house, all of those plants I put my sweat (and some blood) into to planting and caring for!

Anyway, I have a roaster chicken and fryer chicken marinating in jerk seasoning in the fridge overnight. I made some pasta w/tuna and a tomato-cucumber-onion salad. I'm not sure if I'm going to make anything else to go with all of that. I do have some old pasta sauce I need to use if it's still good. So maybe I'll make some spaghetti. Ah, we need to get a cabbage and some carrots for the slaw! Diet or not, gotta have the slaw!!! AAAARGH! better add that to my list...but I don't see a pen. rats. I'm guessing I'll remember it, I do have to go to the store tomorrow anyway to get some wood chunks. Tomorrow outta be fun...we haven't used the bbq grills since like 2005 when we had a bbq for my gran'mother's 88th birthday. It's somewhere on that porch...probably not cleaned since 05! Probably better off just buying a new, larger, Webber grill that has a grill rack that has a flip up section for adding wood or charcoal after the rack has been put back on and the food is already added I'm sure I could find just the rack somewhere though.

Okay, so, we had a late dinner tonight of chicken tacos. They were good and I made only enough for tonight...no leftovers. Sick of leftovers that may never be eaten or that I might gorge on later.

I'm sleepy now which is good because I've got a . . . day ahead of me.

2009-05-23T21:21:00.002-05:00

wow, I feel pretty great today! I woke up, being a Saturday and a holiday weekend Saturday at that, around 8am or soon after. I realized that I didn't really eat anything until about 12 or 12:30p.m. I wasn't starving hungry or really very hungry at all but I wanted to feed my son so I had the same that he was asking for...Chicken salad! I also made a banana-strawberry smoothie to share with him and my mom. I had my chicken salad on a slice of whole grain wheat bread. The chicken salad is pretty chunky with onions and celery so I didn't have a veg with it. I need to buy more baby carrots because I ACTUALLY FINISHED to the bags I bought last week!!!! I'm not sure if I had a little help from my mom when she packs her lunches for work but I think that was all me. I finished a healthy food rather than having to toss it out a ...uh oh...forgot about the lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers in there. I haven't opened the lettuce head yet so it should be good and it's only been a week today so I'm hoping everything is still "kosher".

Me and the boy went down for a nap and awoke around 5:30 or 6pm. A lil after we had the same lunch that we had for..I guess you'd call that brunch..or maybe that was lunch and this 2nd meal was dinner?? We ate again around 9pm... I know it was too late for me to eat but I had a leftover small portion of salmon and veggies from yesterday (no more brown rice pilaf...good, can move on or make a fresh, smaller batch) and had a lil bowl of Kix and milk.

So right now I'm sitting awake watching digital tv channels!! I bought a new antenna (a lil think, wings-looking flat model) and so now the converter box works. yay! this channel named Create has been showing BBQ based cooking shows in honor of Memorial Day. I'm hooked!! Need to sleep before I get hungry but I doubt that'll happen and if I do, I just grab a lil bit of my homemade trailmix. Plus I've got a jug of water next to me so I'm good.

Today, hunger-wise, was a good day. I don't think I was using many calories though since I wasn't out and about. just making light housework out of what is in acutality some really big messes to clean up around here. I'm just getting started though!

Looking Ahead...and Forward to It!

2009-05-21T19:47:00.003-05:00

As I was reading another blogger's post I was reminded of another big test that will be coming up for me this weekend....MEMORIAL DAY! First big grill to "kick off summer"! Usually we pack up and head to my bro's and sisnlaw's, maybe they invite his inlaws and with me WOmaning the grill, we have this big ol' food blowout where we're eating and drinking pop until well after the inlaws and our family have left. It's not an uncommon thing for us to still have a plate of snacks and some pop after midnight!!!

I'm sure those of you reading this, morbidly obese like myself, obese, overweight, healthy weight, skinny, or just don't care, are looking forward to this weekend. Since last weekend it's kind of bittersweet for us in my family. Back in 1998 my dad died at the kitchen table on the morning of May 16th. He was doing his routine of taking his meds with orange juice because...he was a diabetic. What killed him? Well, I'm sure ithad nothing to do with the diabetes, but the fact that he had congestive heart failure...he had a heart attack. Ten days before his birthday. He would have been 57...a wise old sage as far as age goes...if this were like the 1800s! So this past Saturday I decided to stop by his gravesite since I was in the area. I'm sure we'll all head back over together on Monday..and then his 68th birthday is Tuesday. Could be an emotional weekend but it hasn't been in a while for us.

I was on my way home from my first mammogram when I stopped by his grave....I know I'm only 31...it was a screening because my mom had breast cancer last year. She has her last cancer-related treatment tomorrow! yay mom! While I have to go in for a second viewing of my left one in two weeks...so pray with me it's just because "there's no baseline to compare to". Anyway, I have a lot of family medical history against me with my adding to it with all of this extra weight. On a positive note I do feel like a little "lighter". I realized that I wasn't feeling all heavy like I was dragging 8 people with me while walking down the hallway today. I won't get TOO geeked about it until I'm feeling this way on a daily basis. I have been making a conscious effort however to make more trips to do a few things. For example, rather than stopping on the way to my classroom to use the restroom, I keep on to my room to drop off whatever I'm holding (bag, papers, water) and then walk back to the bathroom. Sometimes I'll head to the one that's farther away. Most times I would get a lil huffy to myself when I forgot to do what it was I'd walked the length of the hall to the office to do b4 I got back to my room. Now, I just chalk it up to extra exercise.

I think I'm going to try and get more fiber into my system next week so I can help flush out some of this chicken all week. I seems like my body has been doing that for me at least once at work the past two days! Not a bad thing...not complaining. I'm just wanting to get all that crap...literally...out of my colon naturally without having to drink some super colon blow stuff or go in and have some guru do it! The thought of having all of that coming out at once or close to it makes me clench up! I'm looking for recipes for lentils and the various beans I have so I'll have some more variety! Cooking healthy food IIIIIIIS a lot more fun...and I LOVE to cook!

I'm also thinking of what recipes to have for Monday. I'm thinking chicken kabobs with onions, peppers, lil red potatoes. Not sure, still thinking. Welp, the boy is asking for cereal ..when he just ate a sliced apple...boy are you really still hungry? Better nip this in the bud!

OH YEAH...I bought a new dvd player for the bigger tv on the first floor so now I can use my workout dvds! Now . . . . . . . all I have to do it actually USE them!

Hmmm, is it Friday yet?

2009-05-21T16:45:00.002-05:00

SUCH A LOVELY...HOT ...but still LOVELY DAY OUTSIDE HERE IN THE CHI'!!! Today's breakfast (which I still need to record in my written food journal) was:

1c. Special K, 1c. skim milk, 1 banana

1 Special K cereal bar

2c. chicken salad w/celery, 1 slice whole grain wheat bread, 1c. baby carrots <----THIS turned out to be more than what I'd been eyeballing as 2c. of salad and 2/3-3/4 c. baby carrots so in actuality I wasn't eating this much at all for lunch and was still satisfied! YAY!

1 apple

And dinner is about to be:

Broiled salmon
sauteed green beans, zucchini, & yellow squash
brown rice pilaf

Looking up to see if there's a way saute the beans without trying to boil them down a bit first. Also for sauteing the squash.

How's everyone else doing?

Is something happening? eh?

2009-05-20T10:22:00.002-05:00

So I'm eating an apple right now because I couldn't stand the hunger any longer! Does that mean that my body is transitioning to needing/wanting less calories to function? I didn't grab one or two of those Special K cereal bars (90 cals each but I think they're a lil up in carbs) so I don't have a buffer to eating the apple now and not on the way home later as my encouragement to stopping for food. I've made it two days not only driving home from work but also having to leave back out to go to and from another location WITHOUT hitting up a fast food drive-thru!!! You might not think that's a big deal but for me it is! I even made it walking into Jewel across from work yesterday to get some green tea bags to keep in the van so I'd always have them at work WITHOUT hitting up their lil chicken wings self-serve kiosk or going to the counter to get them if the kiosk isn't up yet. And to keep from thinking of those lil b@stards I'm gonna change the subject a bit.

Wow, I'm pretty late...I'm just now noticing the shortcuts menu at the bottom of the posting box!! ctrl B, ctrl I, etc.!! duh!
Anyway, I've always tried to makes sure I have like 3-4 pieces of fruit, mostly apples and an orange for lunch, so I'd have an apple to eat on the drive home so I'd have something in my stomach to keep me from stopping for food and to tithe me over while cooking dinner. Well, the two problems with that was sometimes I would ignore, like almost with anger, the apple and just commit myself to getting something at Jewel (not just the wings but a bag of chips and one or two candy bars to go with it) and have that devoured before I even made it to my son's daycare. Or rapidly scan in my head what food stop is on the way, usually McDonalds or Wendy's and thinking of what I'd get before I've even left the parking lot at work. To go further with that one I'd tell myself that if I hit up the McDonald's right off the expressway then I'd have more time to eat it before I got to my son's daycare then home so hell, why not get a lil extra? Pretty sad. QUITE SAD!!! That reminds me I still need to try and make this appointment before this referral expires. ugh, the major con of having HMO!

So, I don't know if I'm gonna need to hit up Jewel for some low fat/low cal/low carb bar to help me with this hunger I'm having or not. Probably not..I've been drinking water and had a travel mug of green tea (plain :D) so it might not even be hunger but just my stomach in a wee bit of adjustment discomfort. Speaking of bars, I keep forgetting to try and get the, or as many of the, ingredients that make up those so-called filler bars. I can' t think of a name but their the bars (and one doc developed a cookie) that's supposed to either take the place of an entire meal or you eat it like 30 minutes before your next meal and it'll fill up your stomach so much that you might not eat as much or any of your meal at all! I've almost bought the bars a couple of times but stopped short and decided to read the ingredients. They usually include puffed wheat or brown rice, barley, oats, honey, etc. You know, basically breakfast cereal drizzled with a lil bit of honey in a bowl with the milk you'd probably drink with the bar. Yeah, I'm pretty skeptical of skinny docs who come up with these new weightloss/management dealies. I wonder, if you weren't overweight, obese, or like me MORBIDLY obese before you came up with this "new" thing and you used it and lost, why should I listen to you and trust your product(s)? The same kinda goes for a fat doc who keeps telling you and me that we need to take better care of our health by doing this and that. You wanna ask "is that what YOU did?" But like me, maybe they're big and they're telling others to lose the weight because they KNOW what it's like to live so long with extra weight and other health issues it can promote and they're trying to save you the hell. I remember my dad telling me, probably the year before he died or possibly that year itself, to lose the weight b4 I turn 35 because after then it's hard. paraphrasing of course since he's been dead for 11 years now this month.

Man, I need to get up and walk...eyelids are getting a lil heavy. Maybe I'll eat some of my lunch now and then walk for the next period for a bit outside since it's such a nice day, then eat the rest of it during my lunch period. Hmmm, it IS chicken salad and once I get started with what's in front of me, it's kinda hard for me to stop! I'm still trying people, this isn't magic! At least give me not going for fast food will ya?

OY!!!

2009-05-19T13:53:00.001-05:00

I'm so through with today! I'll be attending the "closing" night of the first ever play this school has put on. It opened last night to a full house of 50 people (small theatre so easy to fill), had a matinee for the students, and it closes tonight.

I'm so through with today.

2009-05-18T20:11:00.002-05:00

So, today I had a bowl of off-brand "Special K: Red Berries" at home, then an apple at work. For a snack I had a Special K Strawberry cereal bar. For lunch, I had about 1 1/2 cups of chicken salad with chopped eggs, maybe 2/3-3/4 cups of baby carrots, and 2 slices of whole wheat bread.

Got home and all the last part of the day and the drive home I had to keep telling myself that "I'm going to eat at home. I'm going to eat at home. I'M GOING TO EAT AT HOME." My problem is my van...I can pick up something without even getting outta the van and then isolate myself within said van to inhale purchased food. Then go in the house and make dinner for the boy and mom...and eventually eat again.

So today, after work, and on the way to and from my doc appointment, to ignore the unconscionable allure of grabbing something on the way home was a big step. It was one step, but a big one.

Yesterday I had the same thing pretty much so ..I know what my starting weight can be considered as per my trip to the scale....I'm not telling you all though! just know...I need to lose a LOT!!

Dinner

2009-05-17T19:34:00.002-05:00

Dinner was excellent. the chicken may have been a bit too salty and maybe a lil overdone...MAYBE...but it's a lovely golden brown and the salt was sea salt so..is that supposed to be healthier or just offer better flavor.

the sides were nice. Now....I have to figure out where to put it. Enough space is taken up now with the 2 kinds of chicken salad...one with celery and one with chopped eggs.

...the more things stay the same...

2009-05-17T16:29:00.002-05:00

I really need to live alone so I can be the only one buying what comes in so I won't be tempted to munch on something I shouldn't be simply because it's there.

Now, granted, these crispy noodles I just topped off from the Chinese food I got on ..uuuhm, Friday I think, was so my fault because I could have just tossed them out...only .50 so the leftovers were not saying HEY, DON'T WASTE MONEY just because you're trying to eat healthy again....Those Cheezits I just downed were not necessary!!

So now I'm trying eat an orange and down some water while I wait for dinner to finish cooking. I'm also boiling some eggs to add to the chicken salad I'm gonna make later. DUH, I could be chopping the celery and onions...hell, the chicken too...actually I could be MAKING IT while I'm letting the eggs cook then cool then just add them later....I'm just tired right now.

So dinner....boiled corn on the cob, brown rice pilaf, canned (rinsed off first) carrots, and roasted chicken. Just that there's almost 2 hours left on the chicken!!! But that makes dinner around 6:30 or so. The sun will still be out! yay.

At least my plants in the window are getting some sun today. The sun was struggling yesterday and the couple or so days before that....nooooo suuuuun at all! Cool rain....I think the ground is just starting to dry up but that's a good thing for us gardeners...just the gloomy look of a rainy day when it's almost summer..you get kinda ...baaaaaah.

The doc is gonna choke me!

2009-05-16T22:05:00.002-05:00

So since I have done virtually NOTHING to take this weight off since I last saw my doctor...it'll probably be a waste of time to see her anyway...money too. However since she's constantly booked up like two months in advance I'd better keep this appointment. Plus, I need to ask her if I'll need a new referral for this weight program since he one she referred me to is on a bit of a hiatus since the hospital was bought so they're transitioning. Just wanna make sure I won't end up having to pay myself because it wasn't approved....HMOs!!!

Soooo, I'm pretty tired now people so sorry, no list yet. I'm kinda anxious to type it out so I can read over it myself. Maybe I'll print it afterward rather than try to write out all 800 different reasons!

I did do some pretty decent grocery shopping...lotta fruit and I bought some ingredients for trail mix sans the chocolate candy!

soooooo sleeeeepy......

2009-05-16T11:23:00.002-05:00

Okay, so this morning I went for my very first mammogram! It wasn't bad or uncomfortable at all. Maybe this extra flab helped me out? After that I went to visit my dad (and cousin) at the cemetery. Only their bodies of course. By the time I arrived at their plots I do believe it was officially 11 years since dad died. My cousin died a couple of days before him. Quite a trying time for us (cousin was from dad's side).

So right now I'm about to head out to do some grocery shopping. After that, a lil bit of recoup time before SGRho chapter meeting.

I ate the last of the leftovers from yesterday...Chinese takeout...a few minutes ago. MAN!!! Why does Chinese food give you such horrible gas within the next 24 hours?!!?? (listening to my son growl at my mom in the bathroom because he's into some stuff again....wow) Anyway, I have to resist the urge to use the blessing of a vehicle as a curse of fast food. I need to start cooking enough to get us through a couple of days before I have to cook again or just live off of Special K and diet dinners that possibly are low in sodium for a while! I also made my WIC run so I got 3 boxes of Special K to go with the FOUR gallons of milk...I had to use all 4 coupons today cuz they run out on the 19th and I KNOW I wasn't gonna make it there if I didn't go today! We still have hellah cereal from the last WIC run and grocery run. So...yeah....I'm off to the races.....

I haven't forgotten that list either people! Keep your pants on!

2009-05-15T21:45:00.003-05:00

BTW about that New Year's Day 2009 Dinner....the poundcakes were garbage worthy!!! I'm not sure why WHYYYYY I followed a recipe that called for me to bake the cake at like 400 or 450 degrees?!?!!?? It was a WASTE!! I might decide to try it again someday but well, I'll be baking it at 350 or lower like a NOOOORMAL CAKE BAKING TEMPERATURE!! Not sure what that so-called "chef" was thinking!!! trained in france my left buttcheek!

Anyway....I think I need to go visit this other blog page to see how she posted her Reasons Why...List on the side. Be back in a few.

Here We Go....Again x????

2009-05-15T10:45:00.002-05:00

Well hello those of you here to read up on my journey...or well, right now, my lack thereof.

I last posted December 30th?!?!? So once again I'm looking back and when I was LAST actively trying to lose weight and counting not weeks..but MONTHS in that gap! Wonderin AGAIN where would I be now had I just STUCK WITH IT!!

I know, I know . . . some of you might wanna say, you need to forgive yourself as many times as you have a setback and get right back on track for the goal. Others might say go kill yourself fatty....well to you I say...why are you here reading blogs from people trying to lose weight and then become Captain Bringdown? Also to you I say I'm really not in the mood for dying, even if I AM currently eating myself to an early grave. So for you Negative Nelly... *POOF* be gone!

Everyone else, you probably fall into one of a couple of categories: you've been when I am and you know what it's like to have to lose 10, 50, 100, 200, or in my case about 250 pounds. You've been there and you've succeeded! I'm hoping to succeed without Lap-Band surgery (never going for a bypass) because for some, that can be just as dangerous as a bypass. The other part of you reading are in a similar weight loss situation as I am. What situation is this? Well, like a blogger I'm following, "Chubby Chick", I should probably make a list of things I am trying/needing/wanting to lose weight for. In essence I could pretty much just copy and paste her list to my blog and add a handful of reasons she may have missed!!! For so many people on this planet, the more we are different, the more we are the same.

Well, I may not be able to do my list right this instance . . . the bell will be ringing to begin my next class to teach in about a minute, unless no one shows up. Even if they all do there are only about 5 girls left and one will be in a play practice, two just returned from homebound over the past week & 1/2 and haven't been back consistently, and one's attendance has been wishy-washy this year. Two are currently on homebound until the end of the year so...I might just get to type out that list. It's a list that will come from the heart like so many things I will post in this blog. I don't think I'll be willing to reveal my identity in this blog until I've dropped at least 150 pounds. I have a party planned in a lil under 6 months that I decided to have back in January or February. I wanted to make it public so people would know that I am trying to lose and give me some encouragment and it would maybe give me some motivation! I bought some smaller sized nice black cocktail dresses so that's where the party idea came from. The one I plan to wear is hanging where I can see it everyday...but yet and all, here I am.

Well, EVERY STUDENT (all five) showed up, and on a FRIDAY at that! I must have talked them up. wow! no play practice I guess.

Oh well, I'll try to post my list later today. The weather isn't looking satisfactory enough for me to attend this shindig. But well, I probably wouldn't have gone anyway.

HAM, HAM, HAM! WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME?!?!!?!

2008-12-29T23:18:00.002-06:00

HAM!! Ham will be on my no no list for 2009! I have had entirely too much starting with Christmas Dinner! Hmm, just realized I forgot my water bottle and I really dont' feel like going to get it considering it's after 1am and I really should be asleep and since I'm not neither is my son cuz he stays up under me!

Anyway, yes, the ham...I overdid it! I think I managed to stay away from it yesterday and today I only had a little bit but I should have just stayed away from it altogether.

Sooooo, what's on the menu for New Year's Day? Baked, maybe cornmeal dredged catfish, roasted chicken, blackeyed peas, sweat potatoes, greens, (my mom finally bought some ol' nasty gross funky chitlins so I need to be somewhere exercising while she's stinking up the house making those!), low fat homemade pound cakes, honey baby carrots. Trying not to eat leftovers on New Year's Day but that's just a thought that occured to me 20 seconds ago!!! I so have nothing against leftovers! We're trying to eat the Christmas leftovers still! Well, mom bought pop; as for me and the boy, we're having crystal light with seltzer water!

NO HAM!! I have to let her know if she's planning on putting the hambone in the peas then I need to make my own batch with just some mrs. dash seasoning and low sodium salt. I'm really trying.

Week THREE of my eating healthier started yesterday. However, I did NOT get to workout today as I'd "planned". Like tonight, last night I was awake until almost 1am when I knew I had to take mom to handle some business and I did want to do that as early as possible. Well, that didn't happen until almost noon. I also had to do that grocery shopping I may have mentioned. Nothing major, was just out of fruit! Gotta have fresh fruit if you're trying to lose weight! Eventually, the light meal (I thought it wasn't so light but my body thought otherwise) wore off and by the time we were finished with everything and back home almost 5 hours later, I had a hunger-induced migraine and was too hungry! But, with nothing hot and ready (get your mind outta the gutter you!) and all three of us hungry, I had to make sure everyone was fed before I ate. So I had to plate and heat up 3 plates of food and then listen to my son protest his meal and then watch him play with it. Eventually I vacated to my bedroom, turned on the tv, ate my food, sinked my plate, took some Ibruprofen, turned off the lights, turned down the tv volume, curled up in the bed and eventually got to sleep. Until the phone rang...for mom of course...and then eventually my son began to have a SUPER tantrum and I know it was because he couldn't come in to be with me because mom was giving me a break to feel better. He really doesn't care about stuff like that because he doesn't understand mommy needs some down time plus he needed his nap! Eventually he went to sleep but I was kinda of in and out of sleep. If I woke up and there was extra noise I couldn't get right back to sleep. I was up for good when he began to have another super tantrum and mom came carrying him in to me even before I was trying to call to him to stop kicking his legs and yelling! Mom..had had enough! So he climbed into bed with me and eventually calmed down.

Yes, I'm sorry, he's spoiled, but since this is my first child, and the first child since I WAS a child in the household, it's been a learning process through and through!

Okay, I realy should be getting to sleep because tomorrow's errands will have to happen on the bus because there is no parking, only pay street parking, or take out a loan to pay for it lot parking downtown and we don't plan on being down there for more than about 30 minutes to an hour doing this stuff!!!! You almost HAVE to make sure you've got a lot to do if you're going to park downtown just to get your money's worth! That said, I need to get a lil more sleep in order to handle CTA again! It's been a while since I last used it since I have a vehicle now.

DVD List

2008-12-25T22:27:00.002-06:00

These are the workout dvds I now have:

Absolute Body Power (4 DVD set)
Jane Fonda's Personal Trainer Collection (2? DVD set)
Dance off the Inches: Hip Hop
Dance and Be Fit: Brazilian Body
Battle of the Bulge
Pick Your Level: Fat to Firm Fast

thank you. that is all.

2008-12-25T19:09:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas all! And Guess what?!?!?!? I have my dvds!!! I'll most likely look them over in their entirety later this week so I can work out which one I want to do first. Hmm, I never did say what dvds I ordered/have now! I'll have to unpack them again and let you know later!

I made a low-to-no-fat version of mac n cheese (whole wheat elbow macaroni, fat free cheese, skim milk, a couple of pads of light margarine, one chopped yellow onion, black paper, a little season salt, egg whites, garlic powder), sliced sweet potatoes with splenda, honey, low fat margarine, nutmeg, and cinnamon and baby carrots with the same. Both were instead of the butter and brown sugar I usually use. Rather than my mom's 7-UP Pound cake, I bought an Angel Food Cake and for each slice I have a little bit of melted strawberry jam and a splurge of low fat RediWhip! :D

I think I did pretty well and I've done well so far this 2nd week. I just ate a couple of apples because I haven't had any fruit yet today. I need to get a cup of milk though. I didn't actually EAT until dinner at a quarter to 5pm!!! I've been awake and moving around since about 8am so that's a pretty long time to just have water and vitamins. It was the same issue yesterday. I'd been up since 7 and the first thing I had was a small coffee and a donut. About an hour later I had an apple. After that, about 4 hours later I finally had some of that chili I mentioned making in an earlier post and a bit of rotissierre chicken. And more water.

So yeah. I'm doing good! And I'll let you know about those dvds!!!

Today's Workout

2008-12-22T21:51:00.001-06:00

Today's workout? Pitchforking, shoveling, and hauling frozen ice to free up my vehicle!!! I was out there in 8 degree sunlight for a little over 2 hours!!! I'm pretty certain I burned some calories!!!

2008-12-22T11:00:00.004-06:00

GOOD MONDAY MORNING ALL! I need to get dressed, eat, and take my vitamins. The vitamins I'm taking are Walmart brand Multivitamins (equate), and Osco Brand (equaline)
Vitamin E and Fish Oil. I've been feeling pretty decent since I started on them last week.

I HAVEN'T started any exercise regimen yet. We do still have this machine downstairs...not sure if the lil tracker needs batteries only or just just dead for good...I think it's called a CardioGlide. Right now, it's gone the way that most unused exercise machines go...clothesrack! It's a good workout though because you're doing all the work. It allows for increased resistance and to change the direction is operates . . . going from a pushing motion to a pulling motion. Like I said, it's a good workout...if I ever go to use it. However, I am still looking forward to the dvds I'll have this week and working out a schedule. welp, the boy is w5a5n5tn5int 5to 5ha wanting to add his own contribution to this blogpost! and there it is up there!!

2008-12-21T23:52:00.002-06:00

The chili was WOW!!! I used the great white northern beans that I soaked overnight (cooked them b4 adding the rest), 2 chopped onions (one vidalia, one yellow), one chopped green bell pepper, about 5 chopped plum tomatoes ... all left raw . . . 3 boiled & pulled chicken breasts (pulled=shredded), cumin (a lot because I had more beans than I thought), jarred minced garlic, black pepper, cinnamon (about 4 shakes total), garlic powder, seasoning salt (I was trying to be light on the salt and I think I was and I forgot about the Morton's low sodium salt on the counter until I was finished adding all I would need), a dash of red pepper flakes, paprika, and one can of black beans (regular size can, can't remember the ounces). After the white beans were finished I added everything except the black beans. I added those about 20 minutes after, when the peppers and onions were tender and the tomatoes were starting to break down. The heat level for all of this cooking with everything added was about medium-low...or at the 2 setting from 1-10.

Oh yeah, I boiled the chicken breasts in about 5 cups or maybe 7 cups of seasoned water (cumin, pepper, salt, garlic powder) and used the resulting broth to cook the beans. Don't think that's a no brainer because I wasn't thinking to do that until late, really late last night!!! I topped off the bowls with some finely shredded monterey jack/colby cheese mix. OH SOOOOO GOOD!

Since there's a BIG BIIIG pot of it, there will be a lot left over so I can have it to take with me outta town and have a nice hearty bowl and not feel tempted to eat whatever they have...which isn't always the healthiest thing!

Chili day!

2008-12-21T13:09:00.000-06:00

On a day that's so doggone cold with wind chills below zero and leaky windows + clogged up heating vents in the front of the house...IT'S ALMOST ICE COLD UP THERE...chili is QUITE in order!! I'm ready to nail a blanket or comforter up in the entryway of the hallway to block the air flow! Plus the window that's right behind me in my bedroom is broken and while there's plastic stapled over both windows, there's still cold air coming in!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Welp, while I have a good idea what I'll be using in this chili (man, that wind sounds scary and at times it's shaking the house) I still need to look it up to make sure I make it "right". I'm using great white northern beans and a can of black beans, chicken and it's stock (I guess I need to boil the chicken first, plus dump some of the stock from an already cooked breast in), diced tomatoes, garlic, chopped onions and green bell peppers, spices n seasoning.

Will see what happens.

ONE WEEK BEHIND ME!

2008-12-20T23:36:00.000-06:00

So YAY ME!! I made it through one full week of eating healthier! I didn't write down everything I ate but at least if I were to try and list everything I ate I could probably get about 60-70% written down! I didn't have any red meat or pork but that's not because I'm giving those up, I'm not, just didn't eat them. I had a lot of fruit and Salad! I know, SALAD!!!! The only way I ate it was because it was the premixed, prebagged kind, and also because I was telling myself YOU HAVE TO!! There's the best choice and the wrong choice. Both have consequences and I'd like to have more good than bad in my life. If my weight is something that I CAN have control over (calm down fellow Christians because God didn't make anyone fat so I control this myself with His help) then I should be CONTROLLING it and not the other way around.

This week I did have too much trail mix in one sitting yesterday and I know that was emotional eating because I was home alone taking my own snow day and my son was here also; his daycare school was closed. Now I know I spend way too much time on this thing while I'm at home. If it were still the desktop computer I probably wouldn't even have a major social network page. But this is a laptop and I can surf the net with wifi in my bed and watch tv all at once. However, my son wants to play and grab me or the laptop all the time and when I tell him to stop then he gets frustrated and pissy and gets to hollering and crying and yelling and THAT makes me angry and pissy. However, I get sucked into the internet and it's not like I'm doing anything of great importance like researching things for work or the like. I'm checking my pages and email and YouTubing and all that crap. The major problem is there's not a lot of room for him to play here like he has at daycare so he wants me to be his jungle gym and if I weren't all sucked up into this laptop that'd be okay most of the time. Instead he's wanting to do it while I'm wanting to do this. Yesterday was just all day only me and him and I was already upset that I was at home but getting to work and possibly having to take him with me was not really a safe option with the conditions out there. He just wanted to crawl and climb and jump and then refuse to take his nap because he fights sleep and he's a toddler. So with the anger and frustration building up I just exploded at him verbally and then chowed down on some trail mix (it at least had no chocolate). I think I ate 6-8 ounces either in that sitting or all of yesteray. The serving size is one ounce so yeah...lotta calories, lotta fat.

I think that was the only bad thing, oh, some "broasted" chicken only because I put money in on the staff holiday dinner even though I shouldn't have because there was nothing ordered that I could have and I had prior knowledge of that. I could have saved $5 and had my chicken salad instead of the breaded roasted chicken. basically, just call it oven fried because for people trying to lose weight the flour breading is just as bad as the frying in oil! ugh, had she explained that to me when I was asking about what was being ordered and all I would have just saved my money and went to get my lunch I took and called it a day.

I have been doing good again at making sure I'm not hungry or POWERFULLY hungry when I leave work so I'm not tempted to get something on the way home. I'm good for pulling into a drive thru and ordering 2 sandwiches or a meal and an extra different sandwich and almost being finished with one sandwich within a mile of the joint! How do you taste and enjoy something when you've inhaled it so fast hot or not? That's a prime example of just eating to feel full and not really eating to enjoy what you're eating! As long as I have a vehicle while I'm trying to lose weight that's the one temptation I have to resist, especially on days when I'm just really tired or frustrated from work and cooking is not the #1 thing I want to do. However, I do it because my mom works in the same field as I do and she's 35 years older than me (yes, still working, times are hard even for those working horrible jobs, you can't quit!) so she shouldn't have to cook.

Anyway, this week is behind me. Next week will be tricky. I'm going to be at my other bro's overnight for Christmas and I'll have to make sure I have something that I can eat without so much guilt feelings. Yes, I'll have the traditional foods but I think this time I'll bake the sweet potato slices instead of dredging them in sugar and butter on the stovetop. I'll ask him to use skim milk ... which I think he does ...for his mac n cheese, I'm not sure what the dressing sub or modified version can be..maybe lentils instead of the box mix and mom's added homemade cornbread. I'm still trying to figure it out. Turkey and ham,wholewheat rolls instead of white. I can't believe it's not butter. .maybe regular butter. .I'll have to compare those labels really good. Who knows what dessert will be; all I know is while I am the one that needs to loose up to 2 people's worth of weight, EVERYONE in my family needs to lose SOME weight! So we really need to change at least our eating habits, if we won't increase are activity levels!

At least when I get there, some if not all of my workout dvds will be waiting for me! I need to work out a . .workout schedule but it will most likely be when I get home from work...possibly within the hour of my return. I still need to get my son a snack or a drink and maybe change him out of his school uniform. I'm sure my mom won't mind doing that but if we EVER get to move, I'm going to have to do this on my own if she doesn't move with me and right now that doesn't look like it's happening. But that's another blog for another purpose!

Have a great one!

2008-12-18T20:32:00.000-06:00

So this past Sunday was the day I set to begin eating better. I've been doing good so far. The only thing I think I've had too much of is "light" trail mix. The difference is there's no chocolate in this mix. I bought a crapload of premixed bagged salads on Sunday. I did grocery shopping like I was receiving LINK again! A cart for my things and a cart for my mom's. God Bless the making of Aldi! I have a lot of fruit that I AM eating. I'm on bag #3 of the salads and I'm back to increasing my water intake. Since I will be on winter break for the next 2 weeks I will have time to rest up which probably isn't a good thing but being morbidly obese tends to drain your energy even when you're just walking up a few flights of stairs.

This evening I made some KICKASS shrimp stir-fry with brown rice! It was SOOOOOOOOO GOOD had very little soy sauce used; what I did use was low sodium. I think the bad parts were the little bit of cornstarch in water I used to thicken up the bit of water which also had a tad bit of sugar in it. I did have a 1 cup dry measuring cup filled with that mix and it had maybe 1/2 or less a teaspoon of sugar in it...and I didn't use all of it. Maybe used about 6 tablespoons?

It was very good...that's all I can say. I'm a dern good cook but sometimes my stirfries don't come out too well; too much salt, not enough sugar to offset the salt, overcooked stirfry, undercooked rice. So yes, this was very good! yay me!

So, anyway, I'm really trying to stick with this but I've said that many times before. I've said that I'm going to give up the candy and the junk because while "experts" say you shouldn't say NO to treats but have them in moderation...I can't do that...or I don't. Either way, one becomes 3 becomes 10 becomes all! Then I'm feeling bad...usually I'm feeling bad before I've finished them all anyway but I eat through the bad, past the fullness, through the stomach pain.

I'm going to try to look beyond the slow weightloss no matter how fast I put it on! Why oh why is it harder to take if off than put it on? It's the opposite of that when I'm dealing with clothes! NO NO NO. I mean, getting dressed early in the morning to head off to work . . putting on, not easy, but taking off when I get home or am getting ready for bed...EASY! I'm about to relax or sleep!

Welp, I have to wash my hair so it's not scurvy tomorrow if I will have anywhere to go! This snow and ice that's coming our way has my son's daycare school and my school opening up in a toss up!

2008-12-06T20:53:00.002-06:00

Another list . . ditto my comment for first list! :)

2008-12-06T19:00:00.002-06:00

I'm posting this for a reason other than letting people have something to listen to while reading my blog. . .however, I'll probably let it stay anyway!

Eat to Live or Live to Eat?

2008-12-01T12:26:00.000-06:00

For, pretty much all my life, I've been the latter of that topic! But since I'm at work right now I can't divulge into that just yet! I just wanted to get something posted on my very first "official" blog. I had a website where I logged my previous weight loss progress a few years ago but it wasn't really this "new" blog format! So, here I am! More to come.